The Old Nana S Just Ain't What She Used To Be

We went to visit Nana S today (and went school shopping at the AMAZING store called Once Upon A Child, but that's beside the point). I think she might be losing it a little. She's usually as sharp as a tack but she asked me who Nutt was about a million times, she thought Big Daddy was one of my exes and she had no idea who Tinkerbell was. Wow. This has got me freaked out.

I called the Mama a little while ago to ask her about this since she hasn't mentioned anything to me about it. Wow again. Denial is more than a river in Egypt...in the Mama's case it's a freakin' ocean. She said she didn't think it was that bad. Oh really? What if she forgets that she can't walk and falls while trying to get up? Or what if she forgets to turn off the stove? Yeah, it's THAT bad. And she also said it could be an infection that is causing it. Well, get her to the doctors and figure it out before it gets worse. Please!

I just hate the fact that my mom has to go through this again. We went through it with Pappy S before he died. Dementia and Alzheimer's is a truly horrible thing for anyone to have to go through. I could not imagine losing my memories and out of every fear that I have, I think this outweighs them all (well, maybe not those gross caterpillar things in the bathroom...but close). That's what made me pick up a camera and start taking pictures of EVERYTHING. Every little moment that I can possibly take a picture of is captured on film forever. If I start slipping mentally, I want them plastered on my walls like wallpaper.

It's a cruel way to go. You spend your entire life making memories to have them stripped away from you slowly when you actually have time to sit and reflect upon them. I can't even stand to think about it. But I guess it won't matter since I won't even know it's happening. Maybe our brains are supposed to short out eventually to make it easier to let go when it's our time. To just go gently into that good night. But if I know Nana, she's got a good bit of raging to unleash on that dying light before she goes. I will keep you updated.