Three Years

Today is three long years.
Three years of caring and tears and support.
Three years of arguments, apologies and promises.
Three years of kids and road trips and family portraits.
Three years of me leaving my stuff all over the house and you hoarding your coffee cans.
Three years of feeling your warmth next to me while I sleep and breathing in the scent of your soap.
Three years of washing your work clothes and packing your lunches.
Three years of car trouble, funerals and diaper changes (okay, only a year and a half of diaper changes).
Three years of surviving floods and rebuilding our home and hearts.
Three years of holding a hand that works hard to support our family.
Three years of being the hottest and best dad to our children.
Three years of trust, respect and love.

It has been less than one year of marriage but from this day in 2009, we have grown and loved and changed into the people that we are today. Thank you for being persistent enough to convince me that you were worth my time. Thank you for being strong enough to help me up when I fall and gentle enough to hold me together when all I wanted to do was fall apart. Thank you for being stubborn enough to love someone as stubborn as me. You've made me a better person.

I love you babe. Happy three years.

The first photo of "us." Circa February 2009.

 And now, the history of us (in no particular order)...

Superbowl 2009. First time I met Hobutt.

Spring 2009. First time he met Bill and Min.

It's not "us" but you know that someone loves you when they wade through floodwater to save one of your houseplants.

Fourth of July, 2009 - First time he met the Knuth side of my family (and he still loves me!)

Summer 2010. He's too tasty to resist.

First time I met his family in May 2009. I was wearing platforms and had to scrunch down for the picture so he didn't feel too intimidated that I was taller than him.

Knoebels, August 2010. I was very hot and very pregnant, hence the barely there smile.

Win 400 for JoePa.

Christmas card pics 2010. That's his sexy face. How can I resist?

Punkin' Pickin' Day 2010.

New Orleans Honeymoon 2011 - We got to sit in a carriage for about 20 minutes until the guy told us to get out and come back later.

A lovely picture in a cemetery on our honeymoon.

The groom and his blushing bride at our reception. May 14, 2011.

He finally talked me into walking the plank. May 13, 2011.

A little nibble (June 2009)

I must taste good, too (August 2011)

He likes to get me drunk because I become a camera whore and he can take stupid pictures of me. (August 2011)

One of my favorites (Autumn 2009)

I love you (June 2009)

Our first vacation. (Ocean City, June 2009)

Getting ready to welcome the Nutt (August 2010)

Gnomes vs. Elves vs. My Sanity

For as long as I can remember, I've been kind of a spaz when it comes to my idiosyncrasies and other things that freak me out.  I can't touch anything if my fingers get pruny from water until they are un-pruny.  I can't eat my sandwich if there is lettuce or other stuff hanging out over the edges of the bun.  I scream and run like a little girl from moths and house centipedes.  The list really does go on and on.

I'm not sure how I got this way.  According to my mother, the only thing that struck terror in my heart when I was little was not snakes or spiders...it was garden gnomes.  This was discovered when my Nana bought two of them and placed them in her front flowerbed.  My mom said that she knew something was wrong when I stopped dead in my tracks as I was hauling ass into my Nana's house (as I usually did).  After she picked me up to carry me past those little suckers, I screamed and cried so much that she thought I was going to pass out.  This apparently happened at every home that had those creepy little creatures skanking around in their gardens.

Well, that fear has followed me into adulthood.  It's not as bad because all of my other irrational fears have taken away from the energy that I used to spend on gnomes. I'm still not fond of the beady little eyes that seem to follow me from under the ragged little hat, nor do I like the frozen little smirk they wear that seems to say, "I am wondering what your flesh tastes like."  I've seen far too many movies about gnomes that devour children and family pets to ever feel comfortable with having one in my yard.

Now that you know the back story, imagine my surprise (and horror) when on Christmas Eve, I unwrapped a snide little gnome at my mother's house.  She said she bought it as kind of a joke and she thought it wouldn't be "that bad" because it was dressed in a Penn State outfit. Yeah Mom, you can put lipstick on a rattlesnake but it's still going to bite you.  I politely thanked her and stuffed that thing into our present bag as fast as I possibly could.

After we got home, I had no idea what to do with it. I was planning on burning it selling it, but before I had a chance, my loving husband found a better use for it:

I'm pretty sure this is ground for divorce in some states.

Yes, that is a gnome in my baking cupboard.  I didn't even see it until I was closing the door, and I caught sight of those horrid little ice blue eyes staring at me.  I cracked the door and peeped inside, just to make sure, and there he was, just staring at me with that dumb look on his face.  That image will forever be burned into my mind.

So after reporting the horror I felt when I opened that door to my husband, this has now become Big Daddy's favorite game.  I will not touch the thing to move it, and he will not get rid of it.  The kids are obviously not going to give him up or toss him in the trash like I've ordered them to do since they have something that gives them power over me, so I guess I'm stuck with it until Big Daddy gets bored.  I don't see that happening any time soon since Mr. Terrifying has recently made appearances in my snack pantry and my behind-the-door shoe rack.  The minute he appears somewhere that I can douse him with lighter fluid and toss a match, he is a goner.

Not half as nice as if he would have surprised me with new shoes.

After experiencing the paralyzing fear that I feel every time this little creature pops up, I can't wait for it to that moment. It also brought me to a realization that I may have made a mistake when caving into Tink's insistence that we start a new Christmas tradition in our household:

A generic Elf On the Shelf set or my worst nightmare come true?

Tink INSISTED that we get an Elf on the Shelf set for our house for next Christmas. For those of you that are not familiar, the whole concept of this set is that there is an elf that comes to your house 12 days before Christmas to keep an eye on your kids for Santa. How does the elf do this? He moves around the freaking house to different places AT NIGHT, AFTER EVERYONE HAS GONE TO BED.

Really??  How did I not realize that this thing was the epitome of evil when I let her talk me into buying it?  Would this not scar my kids for life?  There's a little, point-eared Hell raiser (that looks eerily like a skinny gnome) that sneaks into your house to spy on you, and we welcomed him with open arms!  Not only does he spy on you, he slinks around at night causing all kinds of ruckus, and then stands frozen like a statue during the day.  If I was Tink's age, I would be freaking out about that thing going through my underwear drawer and violating my Barbies.  And I WILLINGLY let this thing come into my home.  I feel violated.

It's not here yet but I know any day, the UPS man will show up with a big brown box full of creepy.  At least the devil elf gets stuffed into the attic until the holidays.  If I didn't think they would contemplate recipes that use the flesh of my children, Mr. Gnome would be joining him in seasonal slumber.

And if my husband doesn't knock it off with his little game, he may just be joining them, too.

We Do Things A Little Differently In PECO

So the Clouse family funerals will be held on Tuesday in Elliotsburg, Perry County, Pennsylvania. For those of you that missed it, this is the family that lost 7 of their 8 children to a house fire last week. Devastating.

The grief this family must be feeling is unimaginable. And to make it worse, the Westboro Baptist Church is now planning to picket the funeral. Absolutely flipping disgusting.

When I heard this, I was outraged. I cannot believe that these people exist in this world. They basically exploit their "Christian" faith to gain media attention and financial security in the forms of lawsuits. The carry around signs (usually at military funerals) that read "God Hates Fags" and "Thank God For IEDs" and spew their venomous blasphemy to get someone to react. When they are assaulted, they sue...anyone and everyone. This time they've threatened to picket the funeral of seven children siting that God killed these children as punishment to the state of Pennsylvania because the church was sued (successfully) by a York man whose son's funeral the church picketed.

A word to WBC, this funeral is in Perry County. Obviously, you've never been to good ol' PeCo if you are planning on coming here and expecting to walk around with your signs held high. I would advise you to go elsewhere. The people that live in this great county (the county where I was born and raised) have a reputation. And they like it that way.

So here are a few things that you should know about Peco before you march in here to disrupt this funeral:

1. The good people of Perry County have been labeled rednecks, hicks, hillbillies, white trash and many other things. Please know that they have earned this and they wear this label like a badge of honor. They will fight you to defend it.

2. The good people of Perry County take their faith seriously. They go to church on Sundays and they are not offended by the words "One nation, under God." They do not use their faith for shock value or financial gain. They use it as a way to get into Heaven...as it should be. Anyone that undermines this faith will no doubt face the equivalent to the wrath of God.

3. The good people of Perry County also take their second amendment rights seriously. Most homes have more shotguns than they do hound dogs and they will not hesitate to use them, especially when it comes to taking care of a neighbor or friend that they feel needs protected. Do yourselves a favor and do not give them a reason to use you as target practice for next years buck season.

4. Most of the good people of Perry County have a neighbor or cousin or some other kin in jail. I believe that they have no fear of going there for a reunion after they beat you into unrecognizable unconsciousness. You have never had a beating until you've had a Perry County beating.

5. Finally, the good people of Perry County stick together. Many of them have multiple acres of wooded land and everyone has shovels. It would take a group of neighbors about an hour to cover up any evidence of you and your hatred ever setting foot in their county.

So please, WBC, read this and take it to heart. You don't know what kind of hornet's nest you will be kicking if you disturb a funeral (especially one as devastating as this) in the County. I would advise you to take your hateful message elsewhere and leave the good people of Perry County to themselves to lay these babies to rest.

Prayers to the Clouse family. May this give you some form of closure.

The Grapes of Wrath

Wine. Too much f a good thing is wonderful. That is why Big Daddy and I decided to start making our own home brews. We had talking and contemplated and planned, but then I got Big Daddy for my Secret Santa at my dad's house. I had no idea what to get him so I figured I would search 'booze' on Amazon. This is when I stumbled across a product called E-Z Caps (buy the 6 caps for $14.99) that claimed they could make wine using an empty two liter soda bottle, sugar, yeast, fruit juice and their special cap. That sounded like something right up my alley (and I figured Big Daddy MIGHT like it, too, since I was shopping for him). I was totally right.

Yesterday was the day that we decided to start our first batch of wine. The concept was pretty simple:

1. Get an empty two liter soda bottle and clean it out.
2. Dump the sugar into the bottle. You can use anywhere from one to two cups depending on how sweet you want your wine to be. Sugar is also food for the yeast. The more sugar, the more food the yeast will have and the longer the wine will ferment. The longer it ferments, the more alcohol content it will have. Alcohol content is good.
3. Heat the juice until it is approximately 70 degrees. This will help dissolve the sugar and it's the prime temperature to start yeast activity. Too warm, the yeast die. Too cold, they get sleepy and lazy and don't do their job like they should.
4. Add the juice to the bottle until the bottle is about 90% full. Shake the hell out of it until the sugar is dissolved.
5. Next you'll want to add the yeast. IF YOUR JUICE IS FOAMY AFTER SHAKING, DO NOT ADD THE YEAST UNTIL IT CALMS DOWN. You can add anywhere from 1/16 to 1/8 tsp of yeast. Because we weren't really sure how much to use, we went with 1/8 tsp. DO NOT shake after adding the yeast.
6. Screw on the E-Z Cap and set the bottle somewhere warm. We chose the top shelf in Nutt's closet because it's the warmest room in the house and we want out booze ASAP.

That's about it. Do that and let it ferment for 7-14 days. If you open it after 7 days, you will have a sweeter wine with less of an alcohol content. If you wait the full 14 days, you will have a drier wine that will get you shitfaced. When it's all done fermenting, pop it in the fridge for two or three days so it can clarify and you'll have your very own homemade hooch. After that, you can strain it to get rid of the sediment in the bottom of the two liter bottle and then bottle it. I'm not sure about storing it outside of a refrigerator and I will post more on that once I've gone through the experience.

So in about and hours time, Big Daddy and I had six bottles mixed, capped and stuffed in our kid's closet. In total it cost about $15 (not including the $12 kit that you use to make over 100 liters of wine). I am very curious to see how it turns out and I will post more blogs along the way so everyone knows if these magic little caps are worth buying.

Until then, here is a little bit more info (and pictures) about the recipes and techniques that we used on each bottle:

$12 on Amazon = 6 two liters of wine. Sadly, they are no longer available on Amazon and must be ordered through the company website. Link is above. Order the 6 cap pack for $14.99.

The Apple Wine. We used 1 cup sugar, 1/8 tsp yeast and Nature's Nectar 100% Apple Juice.

When we made the Apple Wine (above), we didn't follow the instructions, per se. We added the sugar and yeast and then dumped the juice into the bottle and shook it all up. We also did not heat the juice. Oops. I'm pretty sure we probably killed the yeast and I don't know if this one is going to ferment. If we don't see anything in a few days, we will add more yeast and see what happens.

FOLLOW UP: This was the last bottle that we drank (6 in a weekend...I think we have a problem). We let it ferment for 9 days and it clarified (in the shed because there is no room in our fridge) for 3 days. It was pretty good. It was semi-sweet and sparkling but smelled kind of like rotten fruit. Nothing unbelievably special but it rocked on alcohol content (meaning it got me VERY shitfaced). So apparently, it doesn't matter if you shake the juice after you've added the yeast because it will still make a really potent wine. This may have even helped but I don't have the confidence to try it again in case it make the wine yucky. 

White Grape Peach Wine. We used 1 cup sugar, 1/8 tsp yeast and Welch's 100% White Grape Peach juice.

For the second wine, we forgot to heat the juice. We mixed the wine and sugar and then added the yeast and capped it. I think it will be okay because we put it in Nutt's closet right away and it has to be at least 70 degrees (if not a little warmer) in there.

FOLLOW UP: This is the wine that we chose to share with out family. It turned out on the sweet side and also sparkling.  I thought this was one of the dryer wines, although still sweet, that we made so it was one of my favorites. My dad enjoyed it thoroughly. Out of all of the wine, I definitely want to make this one again. We let this one ferment for 9 days and clarified it in the shed for 2 days. When we drank it, my dad made a comment that he noticed that we didn't care about all of the sediment floating in our wine. I do care (kind of) but it didn't really change the taste so whatever.

Grape Wine. We used 1 cup sugar, 1/8 tsp yeast and Nature's Nectar 100% Grape Juice w/ No Added Sugar

We remembered to heat the grape juice and followed instructions about adding the sugar. After Big Daddy shook it up, it got really foamy and frothy. He added the yeast before it calmed down and the yeast wound up sticking to the inside of the cap. After the frothing went away, the yeast was all clumped up on the top of the juice. I'm not sure if it is going to ferment so we'll keep you posted.

Berry Burst Wine. We used 1 cup sugar, 1/8 tsp yeast and Nature's Nectar Berry Burst 100% Juice.

Big Daddy was worried about how thin the Berry Burst juice looked. He also didn't know if it was too sweet to add one full cup of sugar. I told him to suck it up and enjoy it. The worst thing that will happen is that we'll have a sweet wine. I'm the one that thinks sweet wine is gross, not him. This one was made according to directions.

Blueberry Wine. We used 1 1/2 c sugar, 1/8 tsp yeast and Ocean Spray Blueberry Juice Cocktail.

This is the wine that I'm REALLY excited about. We added an extra half cup of sugar (the sign on the bottle is wrong) because the juice is tart to begin with and I didn't want a wine that was so dry that it tasted like sour blueberries. I think it still may come out a bit tart and we may have to try it after ten days and stop the fermentation process before it gets gross. This one was made according to directions.

Cherry Wine. We used 1 cup sugar, 1/8 tsp yeast and Juicy Juice 100% Cherry Juice.

This is another one that I'm excited about trying. It's on the sweeter side (like the Berry Burst) so I think it will be a little on the sweeter side. I just adore the cherry juice even if it's not alcoholic and I'm sure it will turn out great. This one was made according to directions.

Our first batch of hooch.

Apple, White Grape Peach and Grape wines

Berry Burst, Blueberry and Cherry wines