My Guide To Having a Gross Out Party On a Disgustingly Low Budget

So my nephew and my son wanted to have "the best birthday party ever." After looking over some ideas, my son suggested a Fear Factor birthday. We looked around some more and decided to go with a "Gross Out" Party. What little boy wouldn't like that?

My sister (Satan -- read some of the older blogs and you'll understand why we call her that) and I decided to combine our son's parties to save some money. It was good in theory except both kids invited a lot of people and it wound up being a little overcrowded. So money saving tip #1 is WATCH THE GUEST LIST. Sure the kids liked that they got extra presents but we also ran out of food. Not good. I would say 1 person per how many years old the child will be. If the party is for 2 kids, divide the oldest kids age in half and that's how many people each kid gets to invite (in our case since Evel was turning 11, each kid should've invited 5 1/2 kids. Ouch. Since that isn't really feasible, let the older kid invite one extra. He's done his time by putting up with the little one, he deserves it).

We also wanted the focus to be on the food. I spent days scouring the net for any and all gross recipe ideas. We figured if we could make the food look gross enough that everyone paid the most attention to that, it would save us on decorations (we also thought we would have leftovers but that didn't happen). We made things like "Kitty Litter Cake," "Bloody Worms," and "Booger Dip." It was all super easy and extremely cost effective (two good things because I'm lazy and my sister's broke). My nephew practically made the entire Kitty Litter cake himself and he was turning 8. Most of the ingredients were already in my kitchen so it saved on cost there. Also, we just bought plain white paper plates, napkins and silverware but you could also look for brown or pea green for added grossness.

Finally, we needed games that would work for kids as young as 2 and as old as 13. We decided to do an egg toss (since getting egg all over you is pretty gross), a Body Part Dig (gummy body parts in cooked spaghetti that was mixed with pudding to make it slimy) and the Poopy Diaper Game where guests try to guess what baby food "poop" is in each diaper. Some of the kids wouldn't even come near this game because it looked so disturbing and we told them that Evel's little brother "donated" the dirty diapers.

Even though we ran out of food and it was crowded, the boys said that this was the best birthday that they ever had. Evel (even though he's 11 now) wants to have another party like this next year. Oh yeah, and Satan and I are now the awesome moms. I hope that this little guide will help your kids have as much fun as ours did!

Below I've included some pictures of our food with recipes on how we made it and instructions for the games that we played. I've also included links to some of the websites that were our original inspiration. Please message me if you have any questions on anything. Enjoy!


Food table (complete with Natty Light)

THE FOOD:
Make sure you have some "ungross" choices for people, like veggies and dip and some regular hot dogs that haven't been cut into worms. Also, don't forget the bottled water. I debated getting it or not and I'm glad I did. A lot of adults skipped the punch in favor of the water.


THE MAIN ATTRACTION: THE KITTY LITTER CAKE
I made the cakes and pudding, crumbled the cakes and smashed the cookies the day before the party and held them in the fridge overnight. I assembled the cake itself about an hour before the party. The original link can be found here: http://www.divinedinnerparty.com/halloween-party-food.html#kitty-litter-cake

Ingredients:
1 pkg (18 oz) German Chocolate or Plain Chocolate cake mix
1 pkg (18 oz) Yellow or White cake mix
1 pkg (6 oz) instant vanilla pudding (the bigger box or 2 small ones)
1 pkg (16 oz) vanilla Oreo cookies
1 pkg Tootsie Rolls
Green food coloring
1 NEW medium sized litter box
1 NEW kitty litter scooper

Instructions:
1. Wash litter box and scooper, set aside to dry
2. Bake both cakes according to package directions. Let cool to room temperature.
3. While cakes are baking, prepare pudding according to package directions. Refrigerate until needed.
4. In a food processor, crumble vanilla Oreos. You'll need to scrape the sides to keep them from sticking. (I put mine in a gallon resealable bag and used a rolling pin to crush them. It was less messy. Some bigger chunks are okay).
5. Remove 1/4 c of cookie crumbles and place in a small bowl. Add a few drops of green food coloring and mix with a fork until all crumbs have a green tint to them. Set aside.
6. In a large mixing bowl, crumble both of the prepared cakes together. Add about HALF of the UNCOLORED cookie crumbs. Stir to mix.
7. Gently add pudding and mix until a moist mixture results. You probably won't use all of the pudding. You just need the crumbs moist, not soggy.
8. Scoop mixture into litter box.
9. Create 7-8 tootsie roll "turds" and place them (burying some slightly) on the cake/pudding mixture. (To make the "turds," cook 7-8 tootsie rolls in the microwave for about 10 seconds. Shape into turds, curving slightly and pulling out the blunt edges). Make sure one of the "turds" is hung over the side of the litter box like a poorly aimed poop.
10. Sprinkle the remaining uncolored Oreo crumbs lightly over the top (enough to cover the poops but still have them visible). Sprinkle the green Oreo crumbs over top of all.
11. Serve with the pooper scooper.


THE MAIN COURSE: BLOODY WORMS
I sliced up the hot dogs the day before the party. I put them in the crock pot with the ketchup about a 2 hours before the party started to give them a chance to warm up.

Ingredients:
6 packs of hot dogs (use your eye depending on how many people you are feeding. 6 packs did this much in my large oval crock pot.)
Ketchup

Instructions:
1. Slice hot dogs lengthwise so they resemble worms
2. Mix in crock pot with ketchup (for the blood). Don't hold back, use a good bit of "blood." Keep the crock on warm so the "blood" stays runny. Add more "blood" if it looks like it's starting to dry out.
3. Serve plain or offer rolls to make sandwiches
4. You can also use BBQ sauce for the blood

PUKE DIP
I mixed and heated this the day before and just kept the entire crock pot in the fridge overnight. I plugged it in on LOW about an hour before the party started, stirring frequently then turned it down to WARM when it was heated through. 

Ingredients:
1 brick Velveeta cheese spread
1 small jar Salsa
1 lb cooked hamburger
Guacamole flavored chips (for serving)

Instructions:
1. Cook the burger and drain the fat
2. Combine all ingredients in a crock pot on high. Stir occasionally until the cheese is melted. Keep crock on WARM and stir frequently throughout party.
3. We used the Guacamole chips because they were green and looked moldy...use any chip you so desire.

EYEBALL EGGS
I boiled the eggs and cut and prepared the filling the night before the party. I held the egg whites in large Ziploc bags. I filled them about a half hour before the party started and suckered, I mean RECRUITED, my boyfriend to get the irises and veins done.

Ingredients:
2 dozen eggs
Mayo
Mustard
Black Olives
Red food coloring

Instructions:
1. Hard boil eggs. (put eggs into pot containing cold water. heat water to boiling. let boil 1 minute. remove pot from heat and let eggs sit in hot water for 12 minutes).
2. Shell eggs and cut in half lengthwise. Scoop out yolk and keep in separate bowl. Save remaining boiled egg whites.
3. Smash up yolk with a fork. Add mayo and mustard to taste.
4. Lay out egg whites and scoop smashed yolks evenly into the holes in the whites.
5. Add a black olive as the "iris" of the eyeball to the middle of the yellow yolk.
6. Make veins in the yellow yolk by dipping a toothpick in the red food coloring and dragging it through the yolk.

GOBLIN TOES
I cut the "toenail" area off of the lil' smokies the night before. I assembled them about a half hour before the party started and was still assembling them when guests started arriving. Give yourself at least 45 minutes to finish them.

Ingredients:
1 pkg Hillshire Farms Lil' Smokies
Cream Cheese
Pimentos
Toothpicks (to spear them and keep them from rolling all over the place)

Instructions:
1. Heat the Lil' Smokies according to package instructions to ensure that the bacteria is cooked out. Let cool. They will be served cold at the party.
2. After they're cool enough to touch, cut a 1/4"x1/4" area at the end of one of the smokies out. This will be the toenail bed area.
3. Spread a little bit of cream cheese on the "toenail bed" area
4. Stick a pimento on the cream cheese to make the "toenail"
5. Spear it with a toothpick to keep it from rolling around.

OWL BARF BALLS
Tinkerbell and I made these the night before and stored them in an air tight container in the fridge overnight. They will hold in the fridge for up to one week. They're basically No Bake cookies with pretzel sticks and coconut flakes added. The original recipe can be found at:   http://www.author-illustr-source.com/GinjerClarke.htm

Ingredients:
1/4 c butter (half a stick)
1 c granulated sugar
1/4 c milk
1 tsp cocoa
1/4 c chunky peanut butter
1 1/2 c oats (not instant oatmeal)(note: i did use quick oats and they turned out fine)
1/2 c pretzel sticks (broken into small pieces to look like bones)
1/4 c coconut flakes (to look like fur)(optional and i opted out)

Instructions:
1. Mix the butter, sugar, milk and cocoa in a saucepan with a large spoon. Heat on M/H and stir until mixture is smooth.
2. Bring the mixture to a boil for 1 minute. After 1 minute, remove from heat.
3. Add the rest of the ingredients and stir until well combined. All the mixture to cool for about 5 minutes in the pan (until it is cool enough to touch)
4. Scoop out the mixture by Teaspoonful (I made them a little bigger) onto a wax paper lined cookie sheet
5. Place the cookie sheet in the refrigerator for 10 minutes
6. Remove the blobs from the wax paper and form into long balls
7. Store in the refrigerator


BOOGER DIP
(I made this the day before and stored it in the original container. The day of the party, I removed the label and wrote "Booger Dip" on a piece of construction paper that I taped to the jar.)

Ingredients:
1 jar Cheese dip (any yellow dip will work)
Green food coloring

Instructions:
1. Empty cheese dip into a bowl. Save jar that it came in.
2. Mix green food coloring into the dip.
3. Return to jar and label it as Booger Dip.
4. Add some relish for the actual boogers if you want.


BLOOD PUNCH
I thought buying enough to make one huge bowl of this would be enough and I was wrong. Double this recipe if you're going to have a lot of people over. The original recipe can be found here:  http://www.food.com/recipe/dragons-blood-punch-and-hand-ice-mold-186676

Ingredients:
1 (64 oz) bottle Apple Juice, chilled
1 (64 oz) bottle Cranberry Juice, chilled
1 (2 ltr) bottle Ginger Ale, chilled
1 packet Cherry Kool-Aid powder

Instructions:
1. Mix all liquids in a large punch bowl. Stir.
2. Add Kool-Aid (to make it look more bloody) and mix.
3. Add ice or add the ice hand that is mentioned in the original recipe

THE FUN:
If your going to play these games, you may want to tell guests in advanced to bring a change of clothes or to wear something that they don't mind getting messy.

EGG TOSS:
It's a classic that all kids can play. Offer prizes to kids in different age groups if they vary. A two year old can't throw an egg as far as a 10 year old.

What You'll Need:
Raw Eggs
Somewhere to Throw the Raw Eggs

Instructions:
1. Split the kids into teams of 2 and give each team an egg
2. Start out 1 step apart. Have one kid toss the egg to the other kid.
3. If the kid catching the egg catches it successfully, the team advances.
4. Have each kid take a step back.
5. Repeat steps 1-4 until only one team remains. This team is the winner.

BODY PART DIG:
This felt pretty gross when you stuck your hand in there and started digging around. I had a difficult time finding gummy body parts in stores and I would recommend googling and ordering them online unless it's around Halloween. In that case, Target has them.

What You'll Need:
2 lb spaghetti, cooked
Pudding or Some other Slimy Substance (we used the remainder of the kitty litter cake pudding)
Body Parts to find (we used mini Twix bars for fingers, Chicklets for teeth, gummy eyeballs and gummy worms)
Blindfold
Timer
Bucket (for "found" body parts)

Instructions:
1. Mix spaghetti and pudding the night before the party and store in the fridge. We also got creative with decorating a construction paper sign to put on the body part container. It looked great in the fridge. :P
2. Add the body parts right before the game starts and mix them up
3. Blindfold the kid and set the timer for 30 seconds
4. The kid with the most body parts IN THE BUCKET after 30 seconds is the winner.
5. You can only do this one kid at a time but the other kids didn't mind watching their friends get messy!

POOPY DIAPER GAME:
This was the one that a lot of really young kids didn't want to come near, but the adults enjoyed thoroughly. You'll be surprised at some of the guesses that you get.

The diapers
Below: Evel after we told him the last one was really poop.

Below: Aunt Stephie taking a big whiff

    
What You'll Need:
5 kinds of baby food
5 diapers
Paper
Pens
Crackers (for tasting)

Instructions:
1. Smear baby food into the "butt" area of diapers. Make sure you write down which is which and number the diapers.
2. Have guests guess what kind of baby food is in each diaper and write down their guesses. They can smell and taste them. Make sure they use a cracker or chip so it's not a community germ pool.
3. The one with the most correct guesses wins.
4. We had it set up so if there was a tie, we brought an extra diaper and a miniature Reese's Fast Break that we planned on microwaving until it melted in the diaper for the tie breaker. Each person that won could taste and smell the candy bar and the first one to guess what it was, was the winner!

HELPFUL LINKS:
Scott's Blog: Zachary's Totally Gross Birthday Party
Halloween Party Recipes: 65 Fun and Creepy Halloween Recipes
Disney Family Fun Halloween Recipes
Our Best Bites: Easy Halloween Party Food

He Did It!! The Nutt Cracked!! (and Punkin' Pickin' Day '10)

A smile that is!!

I have never been this happy in my life! We had Punkin' Pickin' Day today where we all go out and pick the pumpkins that we are going to stab, gut and carve to bits. We got the pumpkins, came back home and we were setting up the table to carve them when IT HAPPENED!

Nutt was in his car seat and Big Daddy was talking to him and all of the sudden, his face lit up and he smiled!

Well, it's kind of an open-mouthed smirk since he can't lift the one side of his face but it is beautiful! I cried like a baby. We must have spent an hour trying to get him to do it again so I could take pictures. I just cannot believe that it happened. I had prepared myself for him to be pretty much expressionless for his entire life when BAM, out of nowhere, this happened.

Thank you to God, Goddess, WHOEVER gave him the ability to do this. I will have pictures up in a little while (after I add the googly eyes so you can't track him down and steal him since he's so freaking adorable).

Gotta go. I have more smiles to see!

Okay, so this is the only NON-GOOGLY picture you'll ever see of this little guy, since he cuteness should only be viewed at half-power (it may overwhelm some viewers at full on adorable).

It was the only way to show the expression. The googly eyes hid the crinkle of the left eye to show that it is, in fact, a beautiful smile!





And here are the other pic from Punkin' Pickin' Day '10...

Tink and Evel looking for pumpkins. Well, Tink was looking...Evel was begging us to buy this squash because it looked like "one of those birds that poop all over the place down by the river." That would be a goose, Evel.

Tink found her pumpkin!

Tink lifting a gigantic pumpkin that weighed more than her. When I asked her why she did it, she told me it was because, "she wanted to show Evel who was boss."

Nutt didn't seem too enthused. Maybe next year...

After this picture, I told Evel to hurry up and find a pumpkin to which he replied, "Well if someone didn't have me stop looking to take a bunch of stupid pictures, I would be done."

I honestly do not know where he gets this sarcastic personality...

I don't know what is going on here...I just think Nutt looks hilarious with aviators on his eyes.

It appears that he's already perfected the "I hate you, mom" face. It took Evel until he was AT LEAST 6 or 7 to do that.

Ah, so the 2 on the camera timer means "2 seconds to move your ass to where it belongs."

There's my beautiful family!
(And our unofficial mascot...a can of Natty Light)

Big Daddy helping his damsel in distress.

Evel carving away

Since I can beat him, I just smash pumpkin in his face

Up to our elbows in pumpkin guts

The finished products

Happy Halloween!

Evel's costume...
that he's wearing to school.

It was great going to Wal-Mart with Evel and asking an associate for where I could find a pink tutu for my son.

And finally, Batboy. Yet again, behind the shades is the "I hate you mom" look.

Another Couple of Reasons My Son is the Most Awesome Kid Alive

This is a repost from January 2007 because any shyness that plagued my son has since be shredded to pieces by the boisterous, loudmouth that now lives in my home. He has no problem sharing his opinions, "creatively."

Another Couple of Reasons My Son is the Most Awesome Kid Alive

For those of you that really know my son, you know he can be a real goofball sometimes and super shy at other times. His teacher told me he was having trouble when they did creative writing because he didn't express himself enough. So me being the super mom I am told him to write about the first thing that came to his mind on the topic of the day. I have a problem with just blurting out stupid shit when it pops into my head, so this probably was not the best advice. This is what I find in his book bag today, spelled exactly the same. The best are the teachers little comments on the bottom. God, I love my son.

Number One:
At the top of this one is a crudely drawn picture of a school and a kid walking away from it with a book bag on. It read:"There are many things I want to do in 2007. This year, I would like to cwit school."
Teachers Comment: Why do you want to do this?
Mom's Note: Notice the spelling of quit? I don't think he's ready to "cwit" just yet.

Number Two:"I think a penguin would not be a good pet. It can take a crap on your bathtub. It's farts are silent but dedly."
Teachers Comment: Oh my! Is this a good 2nd grade topic?
Mom's Comment: I laughed until mascara ran down my face and told him it's great he's expressing his thoughts. People need shock therapy these days.

Yeah, there's no denying he's mine. But the beautiful thing, he got a perfect score on the four aspects of the writing. Ahhh, the things that come from the mouths of babes..

Who Are the Real "Menaces To Society??"

I cannot wait until I am old so I can be an absolute nightmare behind the wheel of a car or in a grocery store and people will just blame it on my age. I will hit small children and dogs with my cane and no one will bat and eye because I am "set in my ways." Yeah, and people think that teenagers are a menace to society?

This latest round of "Old People Excuses" was the last straw after all of the other harassment that I've put up with this year:

1. The old man that yelled at me as I was leaving the doctor's office with Nutt because I parked in the handicapped parking space. I think you need to get your eyes checked old man because the spot I was parked in was not handicapped, it just so happened to be the closest spot to the front door. And I have to lug a car seat with a ten pound baby in it to and from the office. So you and your sense of entitlement can kiss my baby lugging butt. If I wouldn't have had my child with me, I would have told you exactly where I thought you could park your car.

2. The old lady that rammed the back of my heels with her cart at Giant, not once, not twice but THREE FRIGGIN' TIMES! And when I turned and asked her, with a visibly pissed off look on my face, what she was trying to attempt by trying to slice through my Achilles Tendon, she replied, "I need to get to the spaghetti sauce." Seriously? GO THE HELL AROUND ME! We are not on a highway where suffering a head-on collision would seriously injure your brittle bones! But rather than yell at the sweet old lady, I moved my cart out of the way and let her pass.

3. The old lady that held up the line forever at A-Plus to get cash in her mi-day daily number winnings so she could buy her evening tickets. 50 tickets worth! I stood there so long waiting on the cashier to scan all of these tickets and for this ancient woman to pick another buttload of numbers, that my coffee was actually cooled enough to drink when I got in my car. Seriously, go to Smoker's Express where they have a separate lottery line for people like you to squander their social security checks.

These were all just irritating to me but the incident that pushed me over the edge involved an old woman behind the wheel of a car, myself and my kids. DO NOT mess with my kids.

I was on my way to the store the other night to get formula for Nutt. I decided to take Evel and Tink with me and let them each pick out their own special snack for the week. We made it to the light to turn left across the strip and into Giant and this is wear it started to get hairy.

See, the light at Giant has two left turn lanes and two lights. You must wait for the lights to turn to green arrows that point left to turn across the strip. I was the first car in line in the right turning lane waiting to turn. So as we're waiting at the light, in my rear view mirror, I see cars lined up in both lanes but no car next to me in the left lane. Odd. So I turned and glanced and there in my blind spot is a silver Honda. Good to know.

About that time, we got the green arrows. I started to go and as I'm making the turn into the parking lot, out of nowhere this silver Honda comes veering from their lane (the left turn lane) and into mine (the right turn lane). They were cruising and I had to swerve to avoid having this person almost hit me (how I did not hit the curb is beyond me). I would have been pissed but let it go...but my kids were in the car. And this person didn't even stop to make sure they didn't hit me or to see if we were okay. Hell no.

At the next light, I blinked my lights at the person to get their attention. Nothing. At the stop sign, I blinked my lights and honked. Nothing. I was pissed by this time so instead of going into Giant, I followed this person into the Kohl's parking lot. They parked and I pulled into a spot in the next row. I told Evel to lock the doors and call Big Daddy if the cops showed up.

As I'm marching over to the offending party's car, I'm running all of the things through my head that I'm going to say. So low and behold my surprise when I get there and out climbs a little old lady, at least 80 years old and no taller than my armpits. Great. She looked like she might have just peed her depends and I started to feel bad...and then she opened her mouth:

Old Lady: What seems to be the problem?
Me: Are you aware that you almost hit my car when we turned into the parking lot? I have two kids in my car.
Old Lady: Maybe you should watch where you are going.
*Insert seeing red here*
Me: Excuse me? You left your lane and came into mine and almost hit the car that my children are riding in, you crazy old bat!
Old Lady: Well, if I really did what you say I did, then I'm sorry. I didn't see you.
Me: You didn't see my giant green car as you were veering toward it? Maybe you need new glasses if you can't see other cars on the road!

About this time, another lady walks up. She had been in the car behind me when Granny Nutbag went kamikaze at the light.

Other Lady: How about we just calm down. She just got confused.
Old Lady: Yeah, I was confused.
Me: You were f*cking confused? She was confused? Well maybe if she is so f*cking confused behind the wheel she should surrender her license before she actually gets into an accident! If my kids would have gotten hurt because you were "confused" (insert air quotes and sarcasm), I would have sued you for your entire pension!
Other Lady: There's no need for that language.
Old Lady: That's elderly abuse. You were the one that came into my lane!

I swear to god, I had to restrain myself from kicking her in the shins.

Me: Now you definitely need your eyes checked! You are f*cking crazy!
Other Lady: (to the Old Lady) No, you went into her lane.
Old Lady: Oh. (pause while thinking about what to do) I got confused!

I don't even remember what else I said to her...something about calling PennDot to have her license revoked and having her thrown into a nursing home. This was about the time I noticed a crowd gathering to watch the throw down and figured it was time to make my exit. I was so pissed when I got back in the car that I forgot to get her plate number. The kids just stared at me until I bribed them with promises of cookies and ice cream if they didn't tell Big Daddy.

I don't think it would have escalated like it did if she would have just apologized and asked if the kids were okay. And then when she accused me of being at fault when the other lady showed up. This is why I believe that anyone over 65 should have to take a yearly road test or lose their license for a year. The Amish can cart their asses around since they don't pay taxes.

So think what you want about me for yelling at an old lady. But fatality rates for drivers begin to climb after age 65, according to a recent study by Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh and the AAA Foundation for traffic safety, based on data from 1999-2004. From ages 75 to 84, the rate of about 3 deaths per 100 million miles driven is equal to the death rate of teenage drivers. For drivers 85 and older (which this lady surely was), the fatality rate skyrockets to nearly four times higher than that for teens. I don't care who is behind the wheel, if they put my children in danger, they will hear my thoughts on the subject.




Source for fatality facts: Older, Dangerous Drivers a Growing Problem (Robert Davis and Anthony DeBarros for USA Today)

Evel's Football Update (with Update)

I've been a bad Mommy lately. I've been so preoccupied with all of this stuff with court that I haven't been updating everyone on Evel's games. The Seals White team is STILL undefeated. Today's game is the last one before the playoffs and this is the hardest team that they'll have to play (Seals Red, formerly the Giants). They're already going to the playoffs, but to be undefeated would be extra nice.

And Evel is still truckin' with it. He seems to like it and he's already talking about signing up next year, which really surprised me because he doesn't really know anyone on his team. I guess he's still at the age where everyone still kind of talks to each other. Hopefully it stays that way.

So we're off to the game. I'll give an update when we get home!

UPDATE:
They won! They're undefeated going into the playoffs! Man, it was a close game, though. Seals Red actually scored first and there were a couple of times that I thought they were going to score again. But our boys pulled it off and won 14-6. Great job guys! I can't wait for the playoffs!

5 Generations in a Single Picture

Pretty damned good looking if you ask me. It's a blessing to know five generations of your family...guess it's a good thing that we all had kids as teenagers. Nutt will not be leaving the house until he is in college.

Every Freakin Year...

I hate Iowa. I hope the whole state gets blown away by a tornado. I hope that it doesn't rain so all their corn doesn't grow or pours for months so it rots. I hope Kansas wages war against them and takes over and renames it Wesuck. Stupid Hawkeyes. They're the devil. My week is now ruined. But...

We are still...Penn State

Hopefully we'll do better next week. I don't want to wish the plague on Illinois.