It's official! Thank you to the Snyder County court system and Judge Sholley for giving Big Daddy and I the opportunity to share in HALF of Tink's life and to have HALF of the say on the decisions that are made in it!
UPDATE:
I posted that yesterday after the court hearing. Yes, Matt was awarded 50/50 legal AND physical custody of Tink. It was a long exhausting day but at the end, it was all worth it.
BFBF's lawyer had nothing and I'm pretty sure they knew it, which is why her lawyer approached our lawyer with a proposition: Let Tink switch schools and stay with her mother and BFBF would "significantly lower" Big Daddy's child support. Our lawyer laughed in his face and told him it's not about the money. No way, no how and he would see him in court.
I'm not going to get into the gory details, but basically, the judge took our testimony, talked to Tink (which we were never informed that he was going to do) and then broke it down to the several factors that must be met for any child and which home would be better suited for them.
1 Which party is more likely to encourage and permit frequent and continuing contact between the child and another party: The judge said the testimony clearly pointed to us. He commented that he believed that we were purposefully being left out of things and that BFBF was knowingly not telling us about important things in Tink's life. BFBF sat there and shook her head and he actually scolded her and told her to stop shaking her head in disbelief and listen for a change. He said it, not me.
2. The parental duties performed by each half in the interest of the child: The judge said that while BFBF did most of this right now, it needed to be acknowledged that Big Daddy has obviously shown interest in performing as many of these duties as he possibly could but he is not able to because BFBF is not comfortable with him doing it.
3. The child's sibling relationships: While BFBF's lawyer spent almost all of his closing argument pointing to a decision that was made in 2008 in another PA court that said that siblings cannot be used as a factor in custody decisions, we spent most of the time trying to show that BFBF has tried to keep Tink from seeing Nutt as much as possible, even going as far as trying to keep Tink from going to the hospital when Nutt was born. Thankfully for us, when the PA Custody laws changed in 2011, the law specifically said that other siblings CAN be considered when deciding custody. He also said that even with the ruling from the other judge, he could not ignore the fact that Tink has a little brother that she clearly adores, which is what she told him when he spoke to her in his chambers. Tink's words, not ours.
4. The attempts of the parent to turn the child against the other parent: This one got interesting. Apparently when the judge spoke to Tink in private, in reply to one of his questions (not sure what it was), Tink replied, "Daddy steals my clothes and keeps them for two months." The judge went off on BFBF. He said, "I don't know if it's you or your mother or someone else that is close to you, but SOMEONE is telling that little girl things about her father. She didn't know her address or her phone number, but she knew that her father steals her clothes and keeps them for a 2 month span? That did not come from thin air." And again, BFBF started shaking her head no. The judge AGAIN told her to stop shaking her head and pay attention. He also said that Big Daddy and I seemed to have no resentment or be able to keep our resentment toward BFBF out of the picture where Tink is concerned. He said that Big Daddy clearly met this need better. Tink spoke of nothing bad that we had said about her mother and that was a specific question that he asked her.
5. Which party is more likely to maintain a loving, stable, caring and nurturing relationship with the child: The judge said that he believed both parties loved this little girl. He said that he had no doubt that Big Daddy was asking for 50/50 custody because he wanted a relationship with his daughter and not because he didn't want to pay child support (another angle her lawyer took). He also said that he didn't know how it was possible to decide which parent could better support her in this because it was obvious that they would both do anything for her.
6. Which party is more likely to attend to the daily physical, emotional, developmental, educational and special needs of the child: He said that by meeting with Tink and seeing what a well-adjusted kid she is, he doesn't believe that either parent has done a better job than the other, it's just that BFBF has had more of an opportunity. This was another split decision.
7. Each party's availability to care for the child or provide other child care arrangements: This went in our favor because I was home to take care of Tink every day. Even though BFBF's father would be at the house for Tink to get off the bus, he is not an immediate family member. He also noted that we have been asking for a long time that Tink come to our house instead of going to daycare and that those requests were denied by BFBF and he found that "absurd while you [BFBF] are telling me that you want to promote a bond between Tink and her father's family."
8. The need for stability and continuity in the child's education, family life and community life: This went to us. The judge commented about how we were willing to follow BFBF to the area where she chose to move after she left Big Daddy. This meant that we sold the family home, uprooted another child and came here to continue the same custody schedule that Tink had before (in other words, to keep it stable). He also noted that BFBF has lived in 4 different homes in the past 3 years and has also tried to switch Tink's school district. He said that in a life of all kinds of instabilities, the biggest anchor that Tink has is the school district that she is currently enrolled in. When he spoke to her, she said that she does like school and when he asked who her to name her best friends, she named G and E, who both live in her current district. When asked to name friends from the other district, she had to think for a minute and then named 2 kids that turned out to be a few years older than her. He asked how BFBF thought it would be a good idea to yank her out of a place that makes her feel secure to which BFBF kind of bumbled over a lame answer (so lame that he didn't let her finish). He then said that Tink would remain in this district as long as Big Daddy and I continued to live here.
9. Finally, he discussed the level of conflict between the parties and the willingness of the parties to cooperate with one another: This went to us. He at one point told BFBF to grow up and let go of the hatred that she has for Big Daddy and to get over the resentment that she has at the fact that he has a new family. He also said that the bitterness and games may not be apparent to Tink now, but she will see them in the future and that will put her in a very awkward position. He also ordered BFBF and Big Daddy to find a psychologist and to attend communication counseling.
So after he went over all of this, he read off the new custody agreement. Tink is legally and physically with us half the time now. He also took care of the holiday schedule and 2 weeks summer vacation schedule (which is all we asked for that got this whole mess started in the first place). And Tink stays in her original school district. He also strongly suggested to BFBF that it would be in her best interest to move back to this district. Whether she does or not, who knows?
But it was a wonderful day. I am so thankful that we will have an equal opportunity to screw up Tink's life like parents are supposed to do. :P
