NEW! FROM MATTEL: Central PA Barbies

I "borrowed" this from 93.5 WTPA and updated it to fit my needs. Enjoy!

ANNOUNCEMENT: Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for Central PA and surrounding areas market:

"Lebanon Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"HACC Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Midtown Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"Hershey Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of Rolls Royce convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

"Colonial Park Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

 "3rd St. Barbie"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

 "Harrisburg Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Pinehurst Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.

"2nd Street Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

"Camp Hill Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Macy's. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade, Prada and LV Handbags, Rolex watch a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a 25,000 sq ft. patio home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Perry County Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Halifax (and other Upper Dauphin County areas) Barbie"This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Perry County Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

The Seven Layer Relationship Burrito

So a friend wrote a blog that I read earlier and it got the wheels in my head turning. It mentioned him having layers and in my warped little mind, the first thing I thought of was a magically delicious 7-layer burrito from Taco Bell (mmm, I'm drooling). So then I started breaking down the layers of a relationship and I guess this is what I came up with. Please remember that my thought process is a bit off sometimes so I hope you enjoy (big kudos to Stephie and the mama for inspiration. Stephie hung in there and helped with every layer):

Layer 1: The Warm, Soft, Flour Tortilla

I look at this layer as the outside of a person. The physical looks and gestures that everyone sees every day. You can change the look of it by throwing some flavor in it (think the new red tomato wrap or the green basil and garlic wraps) but in reality it's still just a wrap. People think that by jazzing it up, it's going to change it's purpose but in reality it's what's inside the wrap that really counts, unless you're burping up some funky garlic flavor.

Layer 2: Shredded Lettuce

I'm looking at this layer to be the filler of a person, the extra little bit they throw into the burrito to make it look pretty but really doesn't do anything for you. The things you get from people on the initial meeting like the small talk and courteous hellos. If it's all just lettuce, it will fill you up for a little bit but in the long run you're going to be hungry and look elsewhere to find something to really stick to your ribs and satisfy your cravings.

Layer 3: The Diced Tomatoes

This is an iffy item for some people on a burrito (myself personally, i don't like 'em but this is about relationships, not food). Some people get them and some opt out. I look at this as one of the turning points in a relationship, where you decide if you like it or not. It's the point where you decide if you're going to enjoy the taste or be completely repulsed by it. If you don't like the way they squish and pop in your mouth (no pun intended), you avoid it at all costs or do whatever it takes to pick them off of your burrito. If you find that kind of thing delicious, you'll continue munching.

Layer 4: The Sour Cream

Sour cream is the first thing that will go bad on a burrito. In a relationship, I look at it as when you taste it, it will either be creamy and delicious or it will bite back. It's the little annoying things that you start to notice about the other person. The fact that he never puts the toilet seat down or that she lets her makeup scattered across the bathroom counter when she is done. If you taste it and enjoy it, you'll continue grubbing. If you taste it and it's rancid, you'll toss that burrito in the garbage and head for a Big Mac (no tomatoes there). And some people don't get it at all but the one's that do enjoy every bite.

Layer 5: The Three Cheese Blend: Cheddar, Pepper Jack and Mozzarella

This is also one of the kickers. It's a pre-mixed cheese blend so it's all or nothing. The picky people opt to avoid this part of a burrito. They want their cheddar and mozzarella but can't tolerate the pepper jack (you know, a little spice in their life). So at this point, the burrito is out of their sights. But others will accept it for what it is and enjoy the way the the cheeses blend perfectly together and add to the burrito. They will enjoy the flavor of each but appreciate the fact that they can't have one without the other.

Layer 6: The Chunky Guacamole

This is the fattening, green sauce that you come to next. It's the gluttonous part of the relationship where you really start to dig in. Even if you don't like it, sometimes you just have to get it to see if maybe you're tastes have changed. Sometimes it's rich and creamy or other times it can be hot and spicy and so sinful that you just have to know what the rave is all about. Sometimes you enjoy it and other times you wish you would've passed. It's a little harder to pick off at this point but if you're really determined you can manage.

Layer 7: The Seasoned Rice

This is the point where you really decide if you want to finish the burrito or not. You're kind of getting full and you need to decide if you want to eat the entire thing. By this point you've already learned the texture and taste of the rice and depending on how much more you feel like eating, you will continue or not. It all depends on how it settles in your stomach.

Layer 8: The Hearty Beans (ok, mine has 8 layers cuz i counted the wrap)

The Realization, Denial and Acceptance (via Facebook)

So with MSAD coming up in January, I decided to go back and look at my old status updates on Facebook. I started with the day that Nutt was born. It was bizarre to say the least. If you follow them, you can see the different emotions that I went through from the initial shock of Nutt's facial paralysis to holding out hope that it would go away to finally accepting that he was going to have to live with this permanently. That's when the resolve (and obsession) with educating myself and everyone around me came in. Even though they drive me to drink sometimes (okay, a lot of times), my kids are my life and I will do everything in my power to give them the best possible life that I can. So here's a testament to that. My life since Nutt was born, via Facebook: