Please take this blog into consideration when you're at the polls during the next round of elections. Below are some laws I would push for if I were elected to city, state, or federal government. So remember folks, vote for J.Fo as your write-in candidate!
1. Out of state drivers will have their own lane (notice 'lane' is not plural) on Pennsylvania highways. That way they can annoy the shit out of each other by going 5 miles an hour under the speed limit, tailgating and slowing down at every single exit on a 50 mile stretch of I-81 until they find the one they are looking for. Any out of state driver found driving in a Pennsylvania lane of traffic will receive no less than a $1000.00 fine and a mandatory 30 day suspension of their drivers license. Fines and penalties are doubled during holiday weekends.
2. NO ONE in North Carolina will be allowed to drive on Pennsylvania roads, including the out-of-state driver lane (sorry Beau and Jami). They do not stop at stop signs or use turn signals and they tailgate. I've seen it on 2 separate occasions on 2 separate days. Any North Carolina licensed drivers caught driving in Pennsylvania will be forced to surrender their license immediately and hitchhike home using the out-of-state driver lane.
3. Route drivers will have their own lane on the highway with a minimum speed limit of no less than 65 miles per hour. If you can't keep up with the minimum speed limit, you will be required to merge your vehicle into regular traffic lanes on said highways to allow other route drivers to get past. Anyone that is not a route driver that opts to illegally travel in the route lane or any route driver that does not comply with the minimum 65 mile and hour speed limit while in the route lane will be subject to a mandatory ramming from behind. Route drivers do not drive their own vehicles and they do not care what happens to the vehicles they are driving so travel at your own risk. Any driver that is rammed from behind will be found at fault for any damage incurred to either vehicle.
4. SYSCO Food Service of Central PA, LLC employees with an 8:00 AM or earlier start time are not required by law to follow posted speed limit signs on any highway before 9:00 AM. Your car must be clearly marked with your SYSCO parking badge to qualify for this benefit. Police escorts are available depending on the severity of tardiness and department the employee is working in (i.e. 7:56 AM for a Customer Service Rep). Please call your local police department to see if you qualify for the benefit.
5. Any licensed driver that reaches the age of 65 will be subject to a yearly road driving course re-test. This must be done within 2 weeks prior to their birthday. Anyone failing to complete the mandatory road re-test will lose their license at 12:00 AM on the calendar day following their birthday for an entire calendar year. Any driver that does not pass their road re-test will incur and automatic one year suspension of their driver's license. They will be eligible to retake the road test on their birthday of the next calendar year. Three failed road re-tests and driving privileges are revoked forever. Transportation will be provided via horse and buggy. The Amish don't pay taxes so they have to earn their worth somehow.
6. Anyone found in the United States that is not a LEGAL UNITED STATES CITIZEN will be deported back to their country of origin IMMEDIATELY upon discovery in the United States. Any minors (i.e. children of the illegal alien or children under primary guardianship of the illegal alien) will remain in said illegal alien's custody during deportation. All deportees names, photos and fingerprints will be kept in a federal database so if the said deportee is rediscovered in the United States, they will be shipped immediately to the North Pole.
7. Anyone that is heard complaining about how horrible the United States is will be fined no less than $100.00. If you don't like this country, there are many other countries around the world that may suit you better (please remember to file for citizenship) and there are daily boats leaving for the North Pole with free admission.
8. Mexico will become the 51st state of the United States. All residents will become United States citizens and will be responsible for all aspects of citizenship (i.e. federal, state, and local income taxes, property taxes, sales tax, beer tax, cigarette tax, school taxes, privilege to work taxes, etc.). All United States laws will take effect immediately as well as consequences for breaking these laws.
9. Residents living in a school district without children in that school district are not subject to paying ridiculously high school taxes that said district now requires them to pay. If said school district cannot stay open after these taxes are cut, they must revert to smaller schools in local communities which will give children an opportunity for a more focused, less stressed out teacher.
10. Women that require child support from a father or men that require child support from a mother must keep all receipts of cost incurred by said child (or children) for the month prior (such as but not limited to: baby wipes, daycare, food for home, rental expenses, formula, diapers, co-pays for doctors/dentist visits, etc.). Any itemized cost that does not qualify (i.e. getting nails/hair/boobs/teeth done, car payment, boyfriend's tattoo ink/needles for shop, cocaine/beer/illegal drug costs, etc.) must be repayed
12. Any person convicted of a violent crime (i.e. murder, sexual assault, pedophilia, etc.) that has been convicted of said crime by DNA evidence will be executed immediately. Pedophiles will be neutered/spayed without anesthesia three days prior to execution. Prison overcrowding is a problem that needs to be solved as soon as possible. All people that have been sentenced to more than one (1) year behind bars must now work to earn their keep. All said felons will begin filling jobs that were left vacant by deportation of above mentioned illegal aliens immediately upon conviction. Anyone that tries to escape while working will be shot on sight. Survivors will be shot again.
Please keep checking back for updates to these laws in new blogs. There will be many more to come. And remember, vote for J.Fo.
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