Update on the Job/Pegnancy Conundrum

So after much debate, Matt and I have decided that I will not be going back to work after the incidents that took place last Thursday.

I'm not going to get into much detail about this part of it, but I wound up locked in the staff office without food, water or a bathroom for over an hour until my bosses got there to calm the raging consumer (guy I took care of during the day) that was storming around the house.

After all of this happened, I was told by my bosses that the only way I could continue working at this position was to sign a waver saying that if my consumer harmed me or Nutt, I could not sue them. Matt and I talked it over and decided that there was no way in hell I would be signing that kind of waver. I had given up all of life's guilty pleasures to have a healthy baby and there was no way I was taking my chances with a guy that could snap at any minute. Due to my medical restrictions because of my doctor worrying that I am going to go into labor early, there are no other positions available at my company that I can perform right now. So my options were sign the waver or take my medical leave early.

We opted for me to take my medical leave early but since I haven't been at the job for a year, I do not qualify for Family Medical Leave which would hold my job for 12 weeks. I have to take a Leave of Absence so my job is not safe. As soon as I am out of Vacation and Sick time, my job will be posted (according to Union laws) and if anyone bids on it, I lose it. My boss said she will drag her feet as long as possible to avoid posting it but it's kind of out of her hands. I am able to keep my insurance as long as I am employed there but we're looking into other insurance options, just in case I lose it before Nutt is born.

So it sucks but we'll be able to squeak by and I would like to (let me rephrase, I need money so I am willing to) watch a couple of kids during the day after Nutt gets a little older. And after looking into preschools and daycare centers in the area, there is NO WAY that we can afford the $135 a week that it would cost to keep Nutt while I went back to work. Maybe if I had a job that paid more than $9.20/hr we could do it, but we'd barely be breaking even and then with me having to put gas in my car to drive an hour to work, it wouldn't be worth it.

But I guess this time off will give me a chance to get the nursery in order and get everything organized before we welcome our bundle of screaming, pooping, puking joy. I thought I would also get to spend time with Evel but he spends most of his time in his room (READING at that. I think someone swapped my kid with theirs. Why that was I'll never know) so I'm just kind of bored and I can't do much right now. It is pretty cool that I'll be able to spend time with Nutt since I never really was able to do that with Evel since I got knocked up in high school, then wasted my time at a trade school, then starting work right away.

So for all that asked and were concerned, this is what we've decided to do. Wish us luck!

Don't Shoot The Messenger

Everyone that knows me knows about my situation. Since January '09 I've been dating the most amazing guy ever and he has a 5 (soon to be 6) year old daughter (Miss Tinkerbell, for blogging purposes). The price to pay for this is that he also has an ex-wife that came from somewhere in the fieriest depths of hell that Satan himself is afraid to go there as the mother to said daughter. So in my attempt to keep my tongue from bleeding from biting it so hard since she came into my life, I'm going to let it out.

Basically, the ex-wife (BFBF, or Big Fat Bitch Face for blogging purposes) is a 29 year old woman with the mentality of a 10 year old. There is no communication on her part to discuss ANYTHING, even if it involves her daughter. It all has to go through her lawyer. So I'm assuming that if Tink gets hurt at our house, we need to have the lawyer's phone number on speed dial so he can contact BFBF to let her know what happened? It's extremely frustrating and there is no good that can come from it for Tink. All it's going to do is cause problems in the future. 

We get Tink every other weekend and on Wednesday nights. What happens if Big Daddy and I want to go to school functions or anything that goes on when she gets older? There's no guarantee that we'll know about it and we'll look like the slacker set of parents because we're missing out on important milestones in Tink's life. Maybe it's not that bad and it's just because I'm an Aquarius and the main facet of my life is communication. If Evel's dad was still in his life, no matter how much I hated him, I would still communicate for the benefit of my child. What happens if Tink gets in trouble for stealing or something serious at our house? Do we just ground her for the 3 days a week that we have her? It makes the situation more complicated than it should be.

And the newest trend in BFBF's idiotic arsenal is using Tink as her personal messenger to us. For example, we were told by Tink that BFBF said that I'm not allowed to brush her hair anymore because I don't get all of the knots out of it. Honestly, if you've ever seen me get ready you would know that the predominant thing that I spend time on is my hair. I'm fussy about it and I'm not going to let a little girl that I'm partially responsible for walk out of my home looking a mess. I get the fucking knots out. I'm sure that Tink doesn't do ANYTHING (insert sarcasm font) all day that causes her to get more knots in her curly hair. 

And we were told by Tink that BFBF said that she needs to tell Daddy that she shouldn't play outside by herself. First off bitch, I have an older son that plays outside with her. She's never alone. And the only time that the kids (see the PLURAL form?) are outside by themselves is when Big Daddy and I are in the kitchen cooking dinner and we can see them DIRECTLY OUT THE WINDOW. If anything happens, it would take us 3 seconds to get out the door and to give medical attention or make sure everything is okay.

But my point in this is how counter productive can this be? It's not helping anyone. After we received some of the messages to us via Tink, Big Daddy told her to tell her mom that she is not the messenger (which is making her the messenger, I know, but bear with me). The next time she was at our house, she was up in her bedroom crying because BFBF said that she was the messenger. We have never used her to pass another message. BFBF has. How much damage are you willing to do to your child? 

The divorce wasn't Tink's fault and even though neither parent loves the other anymore, it's not her fault that the relationship is still declining further. And everything that is passed on from Big Fat Bitch Face directly deals with Tink. What happens when it's a more serious matter? Like if Tink gets grounded at BFBF's house. Is BFBF going to pass that message along with her or slip a note in her bookbag? I know if I was Tink that I'd be tearing that note into a million pieces or "accidentally" forgetting to pass that message. I don't see how in any way, shape or form that it's going to benefit Tink to be put in the middle of the conflict between Big Daddy and BFBF. It's making Tink a witness to the fact that her parents cannot get along. And who knows what she's being told about us? 

Big Daddy has made numerous attempts at communication, all of which has been ignored or directed to BFBF's lawyer. Or the reply is passed on in a message given to us by Tink herself. This is directly exposing Tink to any animosity that her parents have to each other. Even is you can't stand to look at each other, suck it up and be adults for the sake of your kids emotional and developmental benefits. And when I get these messages, I have to turn and walk away so Tink doesn't see the fact that I want to flip our and tell her what a coward her mother is. I don't want her to think that for one second because she sees a negative reaction from me that I am upset with her because of what her mother did. It's wrong on so many different levels and this poor little girl is stuck right in the middle of it.

So now it's got me wondering if Tink's being used as a spy? What goes on at Daddy's? What does Jenn do for a living? Just random, nosey questions that she really has no business asking. We're a normal family. We play outside and Tink and I make brownies and cookies. We do things that they probably do at BFBF's. The difference is that we are trying to show Tink an example of what a loving adult relationship can look like if two grown ups communicate with each other. Big Daddy and I have never had a "fight." We've had disagreements but we spoke to each other like adults and have never yelled or even raised our voices at each other. The disagreement was resolved quickly and we moved on to focus on the things that make us happy in life. Like beer. So I hope that Tink is seeing this as a positive example (the communication, not the beer) and can make some judgements on how healthy relationships work, especially when she gets older. We prefer to keep our house filled with love instead of bitterness.
 

BFBF once told Big Daddy that she would wind up alone. Either he would die or they would get divorced but either way, she would wind up alone. It runs in her family. Why, I wonder? Maybe it's because this is a cycle that keeps repeating. Maybe she saw her mother act this way toward her father? I have no idea. But the only person that can keep you from being happy is yourself. You should never depend on someone else for your happiness. You should get yourself right and then find someone to share it with. If the only emotions you are exhibiting are negative, then that's the people that you're going to attract. So she can sit alone for the rest of her life and be miserable, but I'll be damned if it's going to affect my family negatively.

I'm sure some day I'm going to do something to piss Tink off. Tell her to do something that BFBF doesn't make her do or whatever and I'm going to get the "You're not my mom" quote, but I hope that Tink sees that I'm not the person that I'm most likely being made out to be by other influences. I am not trying to be Tink's mother. I am just trying to be part of a support system that children need. I'll be her step-mom someday but I'm fully aware that I will never replace her mom, but she also needs to understand that this is my house so it's my rules. If we have a breakdown in our relationship while she's young, it's not going to do anyone any good. So I'm working on communication and trust with her and I hope that it's not being broken down while she is not with us. I hope that when she's older and needs to talk to someone she feels comfortable enough to come to me if her mom is not around. It's just a really frustrating situation, especially when I'm worried that anything I say or do will be held against Big Daddy and put his little bit of time with Tink in jeopardy. It's just something that we'll have to work through as issues arise. So for once in my life, I am going to bite my tongue and just roll with the punches. This is a monumental feat, so wish me luck.