I like to think of myself as a hard ass. I usually don't let things get to me and this keeps me at an even keel in life. It has helped me avoid the emotional lash outs that I was prone to having a few years ago.
All of that goes out the window when it comes to my kids (biological or otherwise).
I had my court appointed custody psychological evaluation today. I started stressing about it yesterday since I do not do well with authority figures asking me questions and I slept roughly between 3 and 4 hours last night. I get upset and it usually comes out as tears (better than yelling, I guess). Today was no different.
Things started off normally enough with the questions and I answered them easily. Then came the kicker:
What would you do if the court allowed Tink to switch schools and attend the district where her mother resides?
I thought for a second and then I started crying. I felt like an ass.
In that split second I thought about how bad it would suck if that happened. There is no way we would have any kind of normal family relationship. Big Daddy would have to drive a half hour to pick her up after he got off work at 4:30. By the time she got to our house it would be between 5:30 and 6:00 so she couldn't help me make dinner anymore. That would mean we had enough time to eat, for her and Evel to do the dishes and then she could have a snack. After that, it would be time for showers and bed. Maybe we could squeeze in an episode of Spongebob if we were lucky. Then in the morning, Big Daddy would have to take her to her daycare and drop her off at 7:00 in the morning in order to get back to work by 7:30. Or we could go with BFBF's alternative option and lose our Wednesday and Sunday overnights all together.
I don't think so. I don't even see why this is being called into question because a judge made a decision that said BFBF could move if she wanted to but Tink remained in this district. She made her fucking choice and went ahead and moved. I don't know if she thought it might give her more leverage if she decided to take us back to court or what, but now she's not happy with her decision and Tink is the one paying the price. She's even (yet again) told Tink that she was switching schools next year, which means if she doesn't move, we'll be the bad guys...again.
And Tink was told that she can play soccer if she moves, but not if she stays. Why not? Why can't I pick Tink up from school and take her to soccer practice where her mom can pick her up on her way home from work? Because then Tink would be spending more time with Big Daddy and this side of her family. And we would be doing something great for her. We would be able to BE INVOLVED in her life. God forbid that were to happen. It makes me so upset sometimes.
So I cried. And I told her why I thought it would be a bad idea for her to switch districts. And I told her everything that BFBF had done or said to us (or didn't do or say to us) in the past 2 1/2 years. I told her about being told to butt out of Tink's life because I wasn't one of Tink's parents. I told her about the things that BFBF failed to tell us about (parent/teacher conferences, the Halloween parade). I told her about not even getting to see her school pictures and having the option to buy them because BFBF couldn't afford them. I told her about how Nutt lights up when his little sister walks into the room.
And I told her all about how great of a dad Big Daddy is. If anyone in this entire world deserves to spend more time with their child, it is Big Daddy. He took over the parenting of Evel when we moved in together, He loves Nutt with all of his heart and a little girl needs her father. There is no reason why Big Daddy doesn't deserve to see Tink at least half the time. It's absurd.
So now I guess we just wait. I have to go in for the testing portion of the evaluation on Monday and then we go back as a family on June 17. Hopefully after that she'll get her report together and we'll get some good news. Until then, I will continue parenting as I have been. I love Tink but if my parenting isn't fit enough to raise her, then so be it but I believe that the truth will come out in the end.
Thank you everyone for your prayers.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
A Little Birdie Is Still Chirpin!
Frustration is the theme of my day. It's barely 9:30 at night when I'm starting this blog and I'm ready for bed. I had to sit around and panic for three hours while Big Daddy was going through his court ordered psychological evaluation. Then I had to call to schedule mine so now I'm stuck thinking about what will happen when I go in next Friday for my evaluation. On top of all of that, a little birdie starting singing a sour tune tonight.
Big Daddy and I were in the living room after we got back from eating dinner while the kids were washing and drying dishes in the kitchen. Big Daddy though he heard Tink talking about signing up for an activity next year but he missed what she was talking about.
This whole thing reminded me that I wanted to ask Evel if he planned on signing up for football this year. When I went into the kitchen to feed Nutt, I asked him. He bumbled through his answer (which means he doesn't want to but he knows that I'm going to make him do it since I think it's important for kids to be involved in something other than video games) and then Tink drops a bomb shell.
We were informed that she will be signing up for soccer next year when she switches schools.
Come again?
Yep, she is switching schools next year and she will be playing soccer at her new school. So Big Daddy asked who told her she is switching schools. Her answer? Mommy.
So BFBF has YET AGAIN gotten Tink excited about switching schools (without our permission). She fails to remember that there is currently a court order in effect stating that BFBF can move wherever she wants but Tink still attends her current school district as long as Big Daddy remains in that district.
Yes, she took us to court to try to have that decision overturned, but we countered for full custody (and I think we have some pretty valid reasons for it). No one knows if Tink will stay or go yet. It's pending ALL OF OUR psychological evaluations and the results and what the psychologist has to say. And then the judge (who made the first decision to keep Tink in this district) has the final say.
So if the judge decides to uphold his original decision or (please, God, please!) decides to give us 50/50 physical custody of Tink, we again look like the bad guys. I guarantee BFBF isn't going to tell Tink that a judge is the person that ruled she couldn't switch schools. She's going to tell Tink that Daddy and I were the one's that got the judge to say she couldn't switch schools. And at 6 years old, she's too young to understand WHY we're trying to stop her from switching schools. Another fine mess that BFBF has made for us to clean up.
I told Big Daddy to call the psychologist back tomorrow and tell her that on the eve of his interview, he was given some more information from Tink. And we don't know if Tink has been interviewed yet or if they're going to wait until after all of the adults have been interviewed or if they're even going to interview her at all. I really hope so because everything that has come out of her mouth lately has been something that "Mommy told her."
So I will be going in to my interview with this new tidbit. Yeah, I'm going to tattle. I am sick of the BS that we can blatantly see going on but we're powerless to stop. I have spent so much time lately praying that SOMEONE in the legal system will see through this crap. I may not be Mother of the Year, but my kids know that they are loved and I DO NOT play mind games with them. The fact that someone is willing to manipulate their children to get what they want is absolutely disgusting to me.
And the saddest thing about this is that I'm sure she is doing this so she doesn't lose her child support. If we have 50/50 custody, BFBF loses some serious money. She just moved and if she loses a good chunk of her support, she is screwed. She'll have to move home with her BFBF Mommy. I have met her mother and wouldn't wish that on anyone but eventually karma will come full circle.
If you lie and manipulate people to get what you want, it will be found out and there will be consequences. She has hurt Big Daddy and she has manipulated her daughter for AT LEAST the 2 1/2 years that I've known them. That's a lot of karma. I admit I've fantasized a time or two about her being hit by a bus, but I've never told Tink anything bad about her mom (unless you count the time that Tink said that Mommy told her that Mommy's house is her home and that she just visits us. Yeah, I told her that Mommy is wrong). I just bite my tongue, grin and bear it.
Well, it's time to open the floodgates. We have 2 years of texts messages and emails to illustrate what a contradicary, unreasonable (until the psychological profile was mentioned and then she became VERY reasonable), manipulative, simple-minded woman that BFBF actually is. I am just hoping that the powers above let the right people see that, too.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Big Daddy and I were in the living room after we got back from eating dinner while the kids were washing and drying dishes in the kitchen. Big Daddy though he heard Tink talking about signing up for an activity next year but he missed what she was talking about.
This whole thing reminded me that I wanted to ask Evel if he planned on signing up for football this year. When I went into the kitchen to feed Nutt, I asked him. He bumbled through his answer (which means he doesn't want to but he knows that I'm going to make him do it since I think it's important for kids to be involved in something other than video games) and then Tink drops a bomb shell.
We were informed that she will be signing up for soccer next year when she switches schools.
Come again?
Yep, she is switching schools next year and she will be playing soccer at her new school. So Big Daddy asked who told her she is switching schools. Her answer? Mommy.
So BFBF has YET AGAIN gotten Tink excited about switching schools (without our permission). She fails to remember that there is currently a court order in effect stating that BFBF can move wherever she wants but Tink still attends her current school district as long as Big Daddy remains in that district.
Yes, she took us to court to try to have that decision overturned, but we countered for full custody (and I think we have some pretty valid reasons for it). No one knows if Tink will stay or go yet. It's pending ALL OF OUR psychological evaluations and the results and what the psychologist has to say. And then the judge (who made the first decision to keep Tink in this district) has the final say.
So if the judge decides to uphold his original decision or (please, God, please!) decides to give us 50/50 physical custody of Tink, we again look like the bad guys. I guarantee BFBF isn't going to tell Tink that a judge is the person that ruled she couldn't switch schools. She's going to tell Tink that Daddy and I were the one's that got the judge to say she couldn't switch schools. And at 6 years old, she's too young to understand WHY we're trying to stop her from switching schools. Another fine mess that BFBF has made for us to clean up.
I told Big Daddy to call the psychologist back tomorrow and tell her that on the eve of his interview, he was given some more information from Tink. And we don't know if Tink has been interviewed yet or if they're going to wait until after all of the adults have been interviewed or if they're even going to interview her at all. I really hope so because everything that has come out of her mouth lately has been something that "Mommy told her."
So I will be going in to my interview with this new tidbit. Yeah, I'm going to tattle. I am sick of the BS that we can blatantly see going on but we're powerless to stop. I have spent so much time lately praying that SOMEONE in the legal system will see through this crap. I may not be Mother of the Year, but my kids know that they are loved and I DO NOT play mind games with them. The fact that someone is willing to manipulate their children to get what they want is absolutely disgusting to me.
And the saddest thing about this is that I'm sure she is doing this so she doesn't lose her child support. If we have 50/50 custody, BFBF loses some serious money. She just moved and if she loses a good chunk of her support, she is screwed. She'll have to move home with her BFBF Mommy. I have met her mother and wouldn't wish that on anyone but eventually karma will come full circle.
If you lie and manipulate people to get what you want, it will be found out and there will be consequences. She has hurt Big Daddy and she has manipulated her daughter for AT LEAST the 2 1/2 years that I've known them. That's a lot of karma. I admit I've fantasized a time or two about her being hit by a bus, but I've never told Tink anything bad about her mom (unless you count the time that Tink said that Mommy told her that Mommy's house is her home and that she just visits us. Yeah, I told her that Mommy is wrong). I just bite my tongue, grin and bear it.
Well, it's time to open the floodgates. We have 2 years of texts messages and emails to illustrate what a contradicary, unreasonable (until the psychological profile was mentioned and then she became VERY reasonable), manipulative, simple-minded woman that BFBF actually is. I am just hoping that the powers above let the right people see that, too.
Please keep us in your prayers.
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