I like to think of myself as a hard ass. I usually don't let things get to me and this keeps me at an even keel in life. It has helped me avoid the emotional lash outs that I was prone to having a few years ago.
All of that goes out the window when it comes to my kids (biological or otherwise).
I had my court appointed custody psychological evaluation today. I started stressing about it yesterday since I do not do well with authority figures asking me questions and I slept roughly between 3 and 4 hours last night. I get upset and it usually comes out as tears (better than yelling, I guess). Today was no different.
Things started off normally enough with the questions and I answered them easily. Then came the kicker:
What would you do if the court allowed Tink to switch schools and attend the district where her mother resides?
I thought for a second and then I started crying. I felt like an ass.
In that split second I thought about how bad it would suck if that happened. There is no way we would have any kind of normal family relationship. Big Daddy would have to drive a half hour to pick her up after he got off work at 4:30. By the time she got to our house it would be between 5:30 and 6:00 so she couldn't help me make dinner anymore. That would mean we had enough time to eat, for her and Evel to do the dishes and then she could have a snack. After that, it would be time for showers and bed. Maybe we could squeeze in an episode of Spongebob if we were lucky. Then in the morning, Big Daddy would have to take her to her daycare and drop her off at 7:00 in the morning in order to get back to work by 7:30. Or we could go with BFBF's alternative option and lose our Wednesday and Sunday overnights all together.
I don't think so. I don't even see why this is being called into question because a judge made a decision that said BFBF could move if she wanted to but Tink remained in this district. She made her fucking choice and went ahead and moved. I don't know if she thought it might give her more leverage if she decided to take us back to court or what, but now she's not happy with her decision and Tink is the one paying the price. She's even (yet again) told Tink that she was switching schools next year, which means if she doesn't move, we'll be the bad guys...again.
And Tink was told that she can play soccer if she moves, but not if she stays. Why not? Why can't I pick Tink up from school and take her to soccer practice where her mom can pick her up on her way home from work? Because then Tink would be spending more time with Big Daddy and this side of her family. And we would be doing something great for her. We would be able to BE INVOLVED in her life. God forbid that were to happen. It makes me so upset sometimes.
So I cried. And I told her why I thought it would be a bad idea for her to switch districts. And I told her everything that BFBF had done or said to us (or didn't do or say to us) in the past 2 1/2 years. I told her about being told to butt out of Tink's life because I wasn't one of Tink's parents. I told her about the things that BFBF failed to tell us about (parent/teacher conferences, the Halloween parade). I told her about not even getting to see her school pictures and having the option to buy them because BFBF couldn't afford them. I told her about how Nutt lights up when his little sister walks into the room.
And I told her all about how great of a dad Big Daddy is. If anyone in this entire world deserves to spend more time with their child, it is Big Daddy. He took over the parenting of Evel when we moved in together, He loves Nutt with all of his heart and a little girl needs her father. There is no reason why Big Daddy doesn't deserve to see Tink at least half the time. It's absurd.
So now I guess we just wait. I have to go in for the testing portion of the evaluation on Monday and then we go back as a family on June 17. Hopefully after that she'll get her report together and we'll get some good news. Until then, I will continue parenting as I have been. I love Tink but if my parenting isn't fit enough to raise her, then so be it but I believe that the truth will come out in the end.
Thank you everyone for your prayers.
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