Custody: It's a 50/50 Shot

It's official! Thank you to the Snyder County court system and Judge Sholley for giving Big Daddy and I the opportunity to share in HALF of Tink's life and to have HALF of the say on the decisions that are made in it!

UPDATE:

I posted that yesterday after the court hearing. Yes, Matt was awarded 50/50 legal AND physical custody of Tink. It was a long exhausting day but at the end, it was all worth it.

BFBF's lawyer had nothing and I'm pretty sure they knew it, which is why her lawyer approached our lawyer with a proposition: Let Tink switch schools and stay with her mother and BFBF would "significantly lower" Big Daddy's child support. Our lawyer laughed in his face and told him it's not about the money. No way, no how and he would see him in court.

I'm not going to get into the gory details, but basically, the judge took our testimony, talked to Tink (which we were never informed that he was going to do) and then broke it down to the several factors that must be met for any child and which home would be better suited for them.

1 Which party is more likely to encourage and permit frequent and continuing contact between the child and another party: The judge said the testimony clearly pointed to us. He commented that he believed that we were purposefully being left out of things and that BFBF was knowingly not telling us about important things in Tink's life. BFBF sat there and shook her head and he actually scolded her and told her to stop shaking her head in disbelief and listen for a change. He said it, not me.

2. The parental duties performed by each half in the interest of the child: The judge said that while BFBF did most of this right now, it needed to be acknowledged that Big Daddy has obviously shown interest in performing as many of these duties as he possibly could but he is not able to because BFBF is not comfortable with him doing it.

3. The child's sibling relationships: While BFBF's lawyer spent almost all of his closing argument pointing to a decision that was made in 2008 in another PA court that said that siblings cannot be used as a factor in custody decisions, we spent most of the time trying to show that BFBF has tried to keep Tink from seeing Nutt as much as possible, even going as far as trying to keep Tink from going to the hospital when Nutt was born. Thankfully for us, when the PA Custody laws changed in 2011, the law specifically said that other siblings CAN be considered when deciding custody. He also said that even with the ruling from the other judge, he could not ignore the fact that Tink has a little brother that she clearly adores, which is what she told him when he spoke to her in his chambers. Tink's words, not ours.

4. The attempts of the parent to turn the child against the other parent: This one got interesting. Apparently when the judge spoke to Tink in private, in reply to one of his questions (not sure what it was), Tink replied, "Daddy steals my clothes and keeps them for two months." The judge went off on BFBF. He said, "I don't know if it's you or your mother or someone else that is close to you, but SOMEONE is telling that little girl things about her father. She didn't know her address or her phone number, but she knew that her father steals her clothes and keeps them for a 2 month span? That did not come from thin air." And again, BFBF started shaking her head no. The judge AGAIN told her to stop shaking her head and pay attention. He also said that Big Daddy and I seemed to have no resentment or be able to keep our resentment toward BFBF out of the picture where Tink is concerned. He said that Big Daddy clearly met this need better. Tink spoke of nothing bad that we had said about her mother and that was a specific question that he asked her.

5. Which party is more likely to maintain a loving, stable, caring and nurturing relationship with the child: The judge said that he believed both parties loved this little girl. He said that he had no doubt that Big Daddy was asking for 50/50 custody because he wanted a relationship with his daughter and not because he didn't want to pay child support (another angle her lawyer took). He also said that he didn't know how it was possible to decide which parent could better support her in this because it was obvious that they would both do anything for her.

6. Which party is more likely to attend to the daily physical, emotional, developmental, educational and special needs of the child: He said that by meeting with Tink and seeing what a well-adjusted kid she is, he doesn't believe that either parent has done a better job than the other, it's just that BFBF has had more of an opportunity. This was another split decision.

7. Each party's availability to care for the child or provide other child care arrangements: This went in our favor because I was home to take care of Tink every day. Even though BFBF's father would be at the house for Tink to get off the bus, he is not an immediate family member. He also noted that we have been asking for a long time that Tink come to our house instead of going to daycare and that those requests were denied by BFBF and he found that "absurd while you [BFBF] are telling me that you want to promote a bond between Tink and her father's family."

8. The need for stability and continuity in the child's education, family life and community life: This went to us. The judge commented about how we were willing to follow BFBF to the area where she chose to move after she left Big Daddy. This meant that we sold the family home, uprooted another child and came here to continue the same custody schedule that Tink had before (in other words, to keep it stable). He also noted that BFBF has lived in 4 different homes in the past 3 years and has also tried to switch Tink's school district. He said that in a life of all kinds of instabilities, the biggest anchor that Tink has is the school district that she is currently enrolled in. When he spoke to her, she said that she does like school and when he asked who her to name her best friends, she named G and E, who both live in her current district. When asked to name friends from the other district, she had to think for a minute and then named 2 kids that turned out to be a few years older than her. He asked how BFBF thought it would be a good idea to yank her out of a place that makes her feel secure to which BFBF kind of bumbled over a lame answer (so lame that he didn't let her finish). He then said that Tink would remain in this district as long as Big Daddy and I continued to live here.

9. Finally, he discussed the level of conflict between the parties and the willingness of the parties to cooperate with one another: This went to us. He at one point told BFBF to grow up and let go of the hatred that she has for Big Daddy and to get over the resentment that she has at the fact that he has a new family. He also said that the bitterness and games may not be apparent to Tink now, but she will see them in the future and that will put her in a very awkward position. He also ordered BFBF and Big Daddy to find a psychologist and to attend communication counseling.

So after he went over all of this, he read off the new custody agreement. Tink is legally and physically with us half the time now. He also took care of the holiday schedule and 2 weeks summer vacation schedule (which is all we asked for that got this whole mess started in the first place). And Tink stays in her original school district. He also strongly suggested to BFBF that it would be in her best interest to move back to this district. Whether she does or not, who knows?

But it was a wonderful day. I am so thankful that we will have an equal opportunity to screw up Tink's life like parents are supposed to do. :P

Time To Pay the Toll To the Emotional Pied Piper

I like to think of myself as a hard ass. I usually don't let things get to me and this keeps me at an even keel in life. It has helped me avoid the emotional lash outs that I was prone to having a few years ago.

All of that goes out the window when it comes to my kids (biological or otherwise).

I had my court appointed custody psychological evaluation today. I started stressing about it yesterday since I do not do well with authority figures asking me questions and I slept roughly between 3 and 4 hours last night. I get upset and it usually comes out as tears (better than yelling, I guess). Today was no different.

Things started off normally enough with the questions and I answered them easily. Then came the kicker:

What would you do if the court allowed Tink to switch schools and attend the district where her mother resides?

I thought for a second and then I started crying. I felt like an ass.

In that split second I thought about how bad it would suck if that happened. There is no way we would have any kind of normal family relationship. Big Daddy would have to drive a half hour to pick her up after he got off work at 4:30. By the time she got to our house it would be between 5:30 and 6:00 so she couldn't help me make dinner anymore. That would mean we had enough time to eat, for her and Evel to do the dishes and then she could have a snack. After that, it would be time for showers and bed. Maybe we could squeeze in an episode of Spongebob if we were lucky. Then in the morning, Big Daddy would have to take her to her daycare and drop her off at 7:00 in the morning in order to get back to work by 7:30. Or we could go with BFBF's alternative option and lose our Wednesday and Sunday overnights all together.

I don't think so. I don't even see why this is being called into question because a judge made a decision that said BFBF could move if she wanted to but Tink remained in this district. She made her fucking choice and went ahead and moved. I don't know if she thought it might give her more leverage if she decided to take us back to court or what, but now she's not happy with her decision and Tink is the one paying the price. She's even (yet again) told Tink that she was switching schools next year, which means if she doesn't move, we'll be the bad guys...again.

And Tink was told that she can play soccer if she moves, but not if she stays. Why not? Why can't I pick Tink up from school and take her to soccer practice where her mom can pick her up on her way home from work? Because then Tink would be spending more time with Big Daddy and this side of her family. And we would be doing something great for her. We would be able to BE INVOLVED in her life. God forbid that were to happen. It makes me so upset sometimes.

So I cried. And I told her why I thought it would be a bad idea for her to switch districts. And I told her everything that BFBF had done or said to us (or didn't do or say to us) in the past 2 1/2 years. I told her about being told to butt out of Tink's life because I wasn't one of Tink's parents. I told her about the things that BFBF failed to tell us about (parent/teacher conferences, the Halloween parade). I told her about not even getting to see her school pictures and having the option to buy them because BFBF couldn't afford them. I told her about how Nutt lights up when his little sister walks into the room.

And I told her all about how great of a dad Big Daddy is. If anyone in this entire world deserves to spend more time with their child, it is Big Daddy. He took over the parenting of Evel when we moved in together, He loves Nutt with all of his heart and a little girl needs her father. There is no reason why Big Daddy doesn't deserve to see Tink at least half the time. It's absurd.

So now I guess we just wait. I have to go in for the testing portion of the evaluation on Monday and then we go back as a family on June 17. Hopefully after that she'll get her report together and we'll get some good news. Until then, I will continue parenting as I have been. I love Tink but if my parenting isn't fit enough to raise her, then so be it but I believe that the truth will come out in the end.

Thank you everyone for your prayers.

A Little Birdie Is Still Chirpin!

Frustration is the theme of my day. It's barely 9:30 at night when I'm starting this blog and I'm ready for bed. I had to sit around and panic for three hours while Big Daddy was going through his court ordered psychological evaluation. Then I had to call to schedule mine so now I'm stuck thinking about what will happen when I go in next Friday for my evaluation. On top of all of that, a little birdie starting singing a sour tune tonight.

Big Daddy and I were in the living room after we got back from eating dinner while the kids were washing and drying dishes in the kitchen. Big Daddy though he heard Tink talking about signing up for an activity next year but he missed what she was talking about.

This whole thing reminded me that I wanted to ask Evel if he planned on signing up for football this year. When I went into the kitchen to feed Nutt, I asked him. He bumbled through his answer (which means he doesn't want to but he knows that I'm going to make him do it since I think it's important for kids to be involved in something other than video games) and then Tink drops a bomb shell.

We were informed that she will be signing up for soccer next year when she switches schools.

Come again?

Yep, she is switching schools next year and she will be playing soccer at her new school. So Big Daddy asked who told her she is switching schools. Her answer? Mommy.

So BFBF has YET AGAIN gotten Tink excited about switching schools (without our permission). She fails to remember that there is currently a court order in effect stating that BFBF can move wherever she wants but Tink still attends her current school district as long as Big Daddy remains in that district.

Yes, she took us to court to try to have that decision overturned, but we countered for full custody (and I think we have some pretty valid reasons for it). No one knows if Tink will stay or go yet. It's pending ALL OF OUR psychological evaluations and the results and what the psychologist has to say. And then the judge (who made the first decision to keep Tink in this district) has the final say.

So if the judge decides to uphold his original decision or (please, God, please!) decides to give us 50/50 physical custody of Tink, we again look like the bad guys. I guarantee BFBF isn't going to tell Tink that a judge is the person that ruled she couldn't switch schools. She's going to tell Tink that Daddy and I were the one's that got the judge to say she couldn't switch schools. And at 6 years old, she's too young to understand WHY we're trying to stop her from switching schools. Another fine mess that BFBF has made for us to clean up.

I told Big Daddy to call the psychologist back tomorrow and tell her that on the eve of his interview, he was given some more information from Tink. And we don't know if Tink has been interviewed yet or if they're going to wait until after all of the adults have been interviewed or if they're even going to interview her at all. I really hope so because everything that has come out of her mouth lately has been something that "Mommy told her."

So I will be going in to my interview with this new tidbit. Yeah, I'm going to tattle. I am sick of the BS that we can blatantly see going on but we're powerless to stop. I have spent so much time lately praying that SOMEONE in the legal system will see through this crap. I may not be Mother of the Year, but my kids know that they are loved and I DO NOT play mind games with them. The fact that someone is willing to manipulate their children to get what they want is absolutely disgusting to me.

And the saddest thing about this is that I'm sure she is doing this so she doesn't lose her child support. If we have 50/50 custody, BFBF loses some serious money. She just moved and if she loses a good chunk of her support, she is screwed. She'll have to move home with her BFBF Mommy. I have met her mother and wouldn't wish that on anyone but eventually karma will come full circle.

If you lie and manipulate people to get what you want, it will be found out and there will be consequences. She has hurt Big Daddy and she has manipulated her daughter for AT LEAST the 2 1/2 years that I've known them. That's a lot of karma. I admit I've fantasized a time or two about her being hit by a bus, but I've never told Tink anything bad about her mom (unless you count the time that Tink said that Mommy told her that Mommy's house is her home and that she just visits us. Yeah, I told her that Mommy is wrong). I just bite my tongue, grin and bear it.

Well, it's time to open the floodgates. We have 2 years of texts messages and emails to illustrate what a contradicary, unreasonable (until the psychological profile was mentioned and then she became VERY reasonable), manipulative, simple-minded woman that BFBF actually is. I am just hoping that the powers above let the right people see that, too.

Please keep us in your prayers.

ENTP - Extraverted iNtuative Thinking Perceiving Personality

Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
by Marina Margaret Heiss
Profile: ENTP

Revision: 3.1
Date of Revision: 28 Feb 2011


"Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are both funny and incisively accurate.

ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue--both for its own sake, and to show off their debating skills. ENTPs tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate. This sometimes confuses, even angers, those who don't understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport.

ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. ENTPs can be prone to "sharp practice" – especially cutting corners without regard to the rules if it's expedient – or, their juggling acts may simply be so over-ambitious they collapse.

Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of "toys" -- physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. Once these have been "solved" or become too familiar, however, they’ll be replaced with new ones.

ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they can become petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they regard as challenges, and tackle with determination.) ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. In general, however, they are genial, even charming, when not being harassed by life.

In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and suddenly with their loved ones. Some appear deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who've only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also quick to spot a kindred spirit, and good at acquiring friends of similar temperament and interests.

ENTPs may sometimes give the impression of being largely oblivious to the rest of humanity except as an audience: good, bad, or potential. In general this is unfair – but it can be difficult to get an ENTP’s attention when they’re not immediately aware of you, especially for an Introvert.

The best approach in communicating with an ENTP is to be straightforward. No games – they’ll win. No "pulling rank" – they’ll just want to put you in your place. No apologies – you’ll undermine yourself. Try "I need/want to talk to you."

Some Famous ENTPs:

Alexander the Great
Confederate General J. E. B. Stuart
Sir Walter Raleigh

Fictional:

Mercutio, from Romeo and Juliet
Horace Rumpole, from John Mortimer's Rumpole of the Bailey series
Dorothy L. Sayers's detective Lord Peter Wimsey

---

A Functional Analysis -- by Joe Butt

Extraverted iNtuition

ENTPs are nothing if not unique. Brave new associations flow freely from the unconscious into the world of the living. Making, discovering and developing connections between and among two or more of anything is virtually automatic. The product of intuition is merely an icon of process; ENTPs are in the business of change, improvement, experimentation.

The attraction Extraverted iNtuition has toward the real and physical amounts to a cosmic non sequitur: theory is drawn to practice. Such encounters are clearly puzzling. Both parties--the intuitor and the realist--are aware of a xenic quality in their meeting, with reactions ranging from recoil to reverie.

Introverted Thinking

Thinking is iNtuition's ready assistant, an embodiment of the sort of logic found in laws, boards and circuits. Thinking's job is to lend focus and direction to iNtuition's critical mass. The temporary habitations of changeling iNtuition are constructed of Boolean materials from Thinking's storehouse. Ultimately, Thinking is no match for iNtuition's prodigiousness. Systems lie in various states of disarray, fragmentary traces of Thinking's feverish attempts to shadow and undergird the leaps of the dominant function. One can only suppose that Thinking must continue to work during REM sleep pulling together iNtuition's brainchildren into integral wholes.

Extraverted Feeling

To the extent that Feeling is developed, ENTPs extravert Feeling judgment. As a result, it is not uncommon to find affability and bonhomie in members of this species. Tertiary functions are potentially utilitarian. Their limitations appear in their relative underdevelopment, diminished endurance, and vulnerability. ENTPs may harness Feeling's good will in areas such as sales, service, drama, humor and art. ENTP loyalty often runs high and can be hooked by those the ENTP counts as friends.

Introverted Sensing

Like a tail on the kite of iNtuition, Introverted Sensing counterweighs these beings drawn to nonconformity and anarchy. These shadowy sensory forms, so familiar to SJ types, serve as lodestones which many ENTPs employ Herculean measures to escape. "Question authority! (then do exactly what it tells you)" sums up the dilemma in which ENTPs may find themselves by attempting to best the tarbaby Sensing. Occasionally acknowledging awareness of norms and abnormality could, in theory, be potentially freeing.

Additionally, I've noticed that ENTPs have the need to have areas of expertise/excellence/uniqueness in which one is second to none. I've never beaten an ENTP at his/her own game--not in the final analysis. (e.g., just tonight, my neighbor who is recuperating from an illness received a call from an ENTP friend offering his special recipe for tea. The instructions required only the finest ingredients, a particular brand of orange juice, tea made with a ball--none of those horrid teabags--..., which will of course make the best tea of which he himself drinks 50 gallons each winter!)

A Few More Famous ENTPs

U.S. Presidents:

John Adams, 2nd US president.   [Adams appears to have been competing with   Thomas Jefferson to see who would live the   longest. ("Jefferson surv...")]

James A. Garfield (who could reportedly write Latin   with one hand and Greek with the other, simultaneously)

Rutherford B. Hayes

Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt

Thomas Edison
Lewis Carrol, author (Alice in Wonderland)
Julia Child
Suzanne Pleshette
George Carlin
Valerie Harper
John Candy
John Sununu
Dr. Bill Bass, forensic anthropologist
Weird Al Yankovick
Marilyn Vos Savant
Alfred Hitchcock
Tom Hanks
David Spade
Céline Dion
Matthew Perry, Chandler ("Friends")
Rachel Ray
Rodney Dangerfield

Fictional Characters:

"Q" (Star Trek--The Next Generation)
Shirley Feeney (Laverne and Shirley)
Bugs Bunny
Wile E. Coyote
Garfield the cat Copyright © 1996-2011 by Joe Butt and Marina Margaret Heiss

Dear PCDR, You Suck. Love, Me

Dear Perry County Domestic Relations Department,

I am writing this letter just to let you know that you have failed me. You have not only failed me, you have also failed my oldest son. But after years of this behavior, I have sadly come to expect it. Please allow me to clarify and outline how I feel you have failed us.

I came to you when I was 19 years old, seeking child support for my nine month-old son while I went to college to try to better myself. At the hearing, I explained that I was in college (from which I had to miss a day to come to this hearing) and I explained that in order for me to continue going to college, I needed my son's father to help with child care. The man that was overseeing the hearing looked at me like I was a piece of garbage and told me that my son's father was not responsible for child care and if I wanted to go to college, I would have to pay IN FULL for his child care. He referred me to the Child Care Network, which would not help me because I lived at home with my parents and their income was counted along with mine. I later found out that if you are attending school, both parents should be responsible for child care costs.

After "the man" (mentioned above) figured the support calculations, he told me that I was entitled to $90 a week and then said, "But what are you going to need $90 a week for? Babies don't cost that much to raise. You should strongly think about negotiating on this." Stupidly, I listened and took half. Maybe babies don't cost $90 a week to raise, but children do. $2340 a year is not enough to raise a child.

After the documents were signed, sealed and delivered, we began the repetitive cycle of non-payment. My son's father has been sent to jail TWICE because of non-payment. From looking at my EPPICard history (just the history that I can see), he failed to pay from October 20, 2008 until February 23, 2009, from May 4, 2009 until June 4, 2010 (over a year, but we did receive an $800 tax return intercept in March), from November 22, 2010 until January 11, 2011 (and from August until November 22, the payments were all under $30 per payment) and finally from March 22, 2011 (a $10 payment) until the present.

I understand that sometimes people get into a bind and they have trouble paying their support. But this appears to be a pattern. And the worst slap in the face was that he was allowed to file a motion to terminate support THREE TIMES, all while non-compliant in payment. I heard things like, "Let's give him a chance." "Let him get back on his feet." and the ever popular, "He's trying." He's trying to what? If you do not pay your child support in over a year, you are not trying to do anything.

And it is still beyond me why he has been given so many chances with the history of non-payment. I do not call in and complain because every time that I have in the past, I have been meant to feel like all I want is money (that is, if I even get a callback from my caseworker). But sadly, the only way that I get any information on my case is to call. When my son's father didn't pay his support for over a year, I had to call weekly for 2 months to even get anything started. I had my caseworker basically tell me that when they felt that he had been non-compliant for long enough, they would start court proceedings. Apparently long enough for PCDR is over a year, with a petition to terminate filed by my son's father thrown in for good measure. But yet, I am made to feel that all I want is money.

When I can't send my son to daycare because I don't know if he will receive child support so I can pay for it, yeah, I am wondering where the money is. When I have my entire budget for the month set up around child support, yeah, I would like to know it is there when I need it. It is there for my son when we need it. There are years that I don't have his school pictures because I was counting on child support to pay for them and it was never received.

So PCDR, if I am spending these funds inappropriately by using them for daycare, school pictures and clothing for my son, please inform me and I will change my spending habits. That is the only excuse I could think of for you allowing him to remain non-compliant for these amounts of time without consequence and allowing him to take me back to court and have my child support lowered from $45 a week to $41 a week. This after he requested a tele-conference and did not answer the phone when you tried to reach him. I may be mistaken, but I thought that was the same as missing court. But it's okay because you were going to "try to get in touch with him later or tomorrow."

And then I was (yet again) made to feel like a money hungry whore when I reported that I was not working because I was staying at home with my infant son. Yes, voluntarily. I was made to feel like less of a person because I took a year off work for the first time since I was 15 years old to spend time with my child. A child that, because of a medical diagnosis, would cost an entire paycheck to pay for child care. And then we have my oldest son, who does not receive child support, that would also need child care. I would be earning less than I do as a homemaker if I were working.

With the exception of one time in 2009 (which was denied because my son's father needed a chance to get back on his feet and get caught up with payments), I have never asked for more money from my son's father. I have always had a job to support my son and when I quit working, I didn't expect his father to cover the loss of income. But I did expect him to follow a court order and support his son financially since he chooses not to be in my son's life to support him physically and emotionally. I guess it is just easier to shirk all responsibility and lay it on the shoulders of another man when no one holds you accountable for your actions.

So Perry County Domestic Relations, these are some of the ways that you have failed my son and me. I wish I still had the fire to get upset about it but like I mentioned above, I have come to expect it. He will pay until the notices to appear in court stop coming and then it's financial freedom again until the whole process repeats itself. Maybe we should just abolish Peco Domestic Relations and save the county and state some money since (and I'm sure I'm not the only one with the opinion) it doesn't seem like you do very much in the first place.

Sincerely,
Miss Aquarius

Mama Always Said It's Nice To Not Be a Jerk

Well, it's official. Big Daddy and I had our lawyer officially reply to BFBF's court challenge that claimed Tink should switch schools. We are countering her position and asking for primary custody.

I'm sure that we'll wind up with at least 50/50 physical custody, but I've been worried sick about how desperate Mommy Dearest is to keep Tink full time. I wonder about what she might be saying to her to manipulate her opinions of our house and our family. Big Daddy doesn't think she would do it, but I know women personally that have gotten desperate and I've heard the things that they've said to their kids about their father. It's disgusting and I no longer associate with those people. Tink is at the age where she wouldn't even know any better if her mom was saying things like that.

Like the time that she told us that Mommy told her that Mommy's house was her home and she just comes here to visit, but it's not really her home. What? According to the Snyder County Courts and the Selinsgrove School District, this is very much Tink's home. And hopefully after the court date, the will be her home at least half of the time. I guess desperate people do desperate things, no matter who they are hurting.

God, I wish the title of this blog rang true in BFBF's case but I think that's where a lot of this BS is coming from. The BFBF-er (Bigger Fatter Bitchier Face) that spawned the little one. I'm sure Mama is the one instructing her protege on how to be a jerk. And yeah, I know I'm being a hypocrite right now (by not saying anything nice. At least I'm not punching anyone), but all of this monkey business has crossed so many lines that it's beginning to look like some kind of warped game of tic-tac-toe. 

But lately, Tink has been coming to our house on Wednesday evenings in a horrible mood and then she winds up falling asleep and we don't get to spend much time with her (well, other than the time that we're spending trying to figure out why she's crying). So I asked her about this and she told me that Tuesday night is game night at her mom's and BFBF lets her stay up late to finish the game that they are playing. I asked if she usually stays up late when she's there and she said no, just sometimes on game nights. And why would it matter how late she stays up? BFBF doesn't have to deal with any of it. Tink is going to Dad's so let's have fun before she leaves! Inconsiderate hag.

I just don't get why she hates Big Daddy so much that she would do things like this. She's the one that was "rumored" to have committed adultery. And yet she's the one that was such a "good wife" and "fought for her family" and Big Daddy was the one that "kicked her when she was down." Kinda hard for Big Daddy to do that while you're sleeping with the neighbor's brother and breaking up his marriage. And he also let her sit at home on her ever-expanding ass for 3 years to raise their daughter (and yes, I'm at home, but my ass has managed to stay roughly the same size). So was that what has so horrible? Or was is the fact that he made her get a job when he couldn't afford to pay to the massive amount of food she consumed in a day (he didn't say that, I did)?

This all came from an email that I received when I left her a note (with my phone number and email on it) asking if I could have copies of Tink's baby pictures so I could make Big Daddy a music video of Tink growing up for Father's Day. She told me it "wasn't her job to make him happy anymore." Yeah, obviously because it's now MY JOB. That's why I left the note in the first damned place...so I could make him a gift from the pictures that she told him that he would have to pay for if he ever wanted to see again.

And then she claims that she "forgot" Father's Day. Apparently, life sucking monsters do not have fathers because that would be the only acceptable excuse for her to not remember Father's Day. Apparently her dad isn't important enough to rate remembering a day that is dedicated to him. This after Tink said that they went to see Pappy for Father's Day. If Tink wasn't so beautiful, I guess BFBF forgetting that Tink has a father would confirm the fact that BFBF is in fact a cold-blooded reptile and may have spawned on her own. But Tink has her daddy's good looks. Guess that should signal to BFBF that there is a Daddy that helped in Tink's creation and should be remembered at least ONCE a year.

But the kicker from that email was that she said that he didn't want his family. For the entire time I have been with Big Daddy, he has always been upset about the shaft that he got when he went for joint physical and legal custody and he has ALWAYS talked about wanting more time with Tink. I don't buy this pathetic sob story for a GD second. Maybe it would be different if he didn't seem to care, but from everything that I've ever seen, he does and will always CARE ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER. And the fact that she is trying to keep them from forming a normal relationship is abhorant. I can say this because my son's father hasn't seen him since he was two. I know the difference between a dad that cares and a dad that doesn't. She can take her sob story and shove it.

And he wonders why I think she might say things to Tink that make her not want to be here?

So anyway, the gloves are off (God, I wish that wasn't just a metaphorical statement) and I know that she knows what is going on by now. I just wish I could have been a fly on the wall when she opened that letter.

And I absolutely love our lawyer. He's the meanest old buzzard that I've ever met. I feel confident that with him, we absolutely have a fighting chance at more time with Tink. I just worry that we're going to have to get into psychological profiles and all of that crap to do something that should have been done in the first place (50/50). And I don't know who would be responsible for paying if that happens. It doesn't really matter because we would be willing to drain our bank account to keep our time with Tink, but I feel that if the judge rules in our favor and BFBF disagrees, she should be responsible for paying for these psychological profiles (and the fee may be doubled for whatever Evel has lurking in his psyche).

Ah, frustration. But anyway, that is where we are at right now. I will keep everyone updated.

And I figured, for your reading pleasure, I would include the email response that I received from BFBF when I asked her for copies of Tink's pictures. Not only is she the most passive/aggressive woman that I've ever met, she's a horrible speller and doesn't use proper punctuation. Ick. So here it is (names in pink have been changed to protect the innoncent. And the guilty):

I love using winky smileys when I'm being a passive/aggressive bitch, too! And we've also offered to pay our IT guy to get the pictures off of that computer that has a virus and we've gotten no response. Looks like someone might be fibbing! 

One Squeeky, Clean Spirit Coming Right Up!

I've always been a fan of strange things. As a child, I wanted to be a mortician (or a vampire, depending on the day). As a teenager, I dabbled in Wicca but didn't have the attention span to really follow through on all of the rituals that had to be performed. As an adult, I devoured astrology books and learned to produce people's charts. The metaphysical arts have always fascinated me (I'm an Aquarius, I should have expected it).

So today in my wall posts on Facebook, a local shop (Moonbeams Metaphysical) posted that they were having a woman come in to offer people private spiritual cleansing. It immediately caught my attention and I texted Big Daddy to see if he wanted to have his spirit cleansed with me. After some skeptical questions ("What do they used to cleanse us? And do you think $20 will cover the cost of all of the extra materials that they're going to need to fully cleanse the both of us?"), he agreed. 

I called to make the reservations and see what exactly a spiritual cleansing involved. The woman on the phone explained that nothing "weird" happens during the cleansing. For $20, we basically go into the back room with the healer (I had to resist the urge to ask if she was going to expect a $20 tip, too) for our private session. She then has you soak your hands in a bowl of herbs, oils and water and asks you to think about releasing all of your trauma and turmoil for a few minutes (and for an extra $10 she will even do your cuticles!). Finally, she recites a few chants, smudges you with a burning bundle of herbs that smells like pot and VIOLA! You are clean! Well, your spirit (and your aura and chakras) are anyway. She also told me that people with a lot of baggage and people that have suffered great emotional traumas may break down, as in cry like a baby. I haven't told Big Daddy exactly what goes on yet, but I can already imagine him raising his eyebrow and looking at me as if I'm trying to get him to believe that the moon is really made of cheese.

After I got off the phone, I immediately Googled the name of the woman that is doing the cleansing (Silver RavenWolf) to see what her deal really is. She seems like a very interesting person. She practices Braucherei (or PowWow), which is actually a Pennsylvania Dutch-German Magickal System based on a blend of High German Magick, Country Philosophy, Pre-Christian Pagan practices, Gypsy influence, a good dose of Biblical references, and Native American herbal cures for the ailments of human and beast, the seen and unseen, medicinal and otherwise. It is a unique system that relies on one's belief, intent and the manipulation of energy by means of what we now understand to be the quantum physics of the mind. (That is a direct quote from her website)

As I read further, it talked about hex signs that are commonly seen on barns in this area and it explained some of the PA Dutch folklore and the talismans and rituals that they created to ward against evil spirits. There's also a few projects that seemed worth looking into. One was a stuffed monster with a blessed note inside to protect the child own from evil and another was a sign that could be printed, colored and blessed and then hung in your home to protect it from evil. It was very intriguing and informative and I'm actually pretty excited about the cleansing. 

Plus, I think this will be a great chance for the both of us to "start fresh," in a way, before we get married. If this woman can manipulate our psyches enough to have us both drop all of the excess baggage that we're carrying, I am all for it. Maybe if I don't have to lug it all around anymore, my back would stop hurting as much as it has lately. All I know is that something has got to give and if this is what does the trick, then so be it.

So many people are skeptical when they hear of things like this but I believe that we have no idea what the human mind is completely capable of. I also believe that there is a higher power out there that watches over each of us. I don't know if it's God or what or if God takes different forms to aid people that are reaching out for help. I (thankfully) have never been dead to know. But I do know that I will at least go into this experience with a positive attitude. I think that sometimes just believing in mind over matter sometimes is enough to make things better.

If nothing else, I'll at least have REALLY soft hands on my wedding day.