Dear Perry County Domestic Relations Department,
I am writing this letter just to let you know that you have failed me. You have not only failed me, you have also failed my oldest son. But after years of this behavior, I have sadly come to expect it. Please allow me to clarify and outline how I feel you have failed us.
I came to you when I was 19 years old, seeking child support for my nine month-old son while I went to college to try to better myself. At the hearing, I explained that I was in college (from which I had to miss a day to come to this hearing) and I explained that in order for me to continue going to college, I needed my son's father to help with child care. The man that was overseeing the hearing looked at me like I was a piece of garbage and told me that my son's father was not responsible for child care and if I wanted to go to college, I would have to pay IN FULL for his child care. He referred me to the Child Care Network, which would not help me because I lived at home with my parents and their income was counted along with mine. I later found out that if you are attending school, both parents should be responsible for child care costs.
After "the man" (mentioned above) figured the support calculations, he told me that I was entitled to $90 a week and then said, "But what are you going to need $90 a week for? Babies don't cost that much to raise. You should strongly think about negotiating on this." Stupidly, I listened and took half. Maybe babies don't cost $90 a week to raise, but children do. $2340 a year is not enough to raise a child.
After the documents were signed, sealed and delivered, we began the repetitive cycle of non-payment. My son's father has been sent to jail TWICE because of non-payment. From looking at my EPPICard history (just the history that I can see), he failed to pay from October 20, 2008 until February 23, 2009, from May 4, 2009 until June 4, 2010 (over a year, but we did receive an $800 tax return intercept in March), from November 22, 2010 until January 11, 2011 (and from August until November 22, the payments were all under $30 per payment) and finally from March 22, 2011 (a $10 payment) until the present.
I understand that sometimes people get into a bind and they have trouble paying their support. But this appears to be a pattern. And the worst slap in the face was that he was allowed to file a motion to terminate support THREE TIMES, all while non-compliant in payment. I heard things like, "Let's give him a chance." "Let him get back on his feet." and the ever popular, "He's trying." He's trying to what? If you do not pay your child support in over a year, you are not trying to do anything.
And it is still beyond me why he has been given so many chances with the history of non-payment. I do not call in and complain because every time that I have in the past, I have been meant to feel like all I want is money (that is, if I even get a callback from my caseworker). But sadly, the only way that I get any information on my case is to call. When my son's father didn't pay his support for over a year, I had to call weekly for 2 months to even get anything started. I had my caseworker basically tell me that when they felt that he had been non-compliant for long enough, they would start court proceedings. Apparently long enough for PCDR is over a year, with a petition to terminate filed by my son's father thrown in for good measure. But yet, I am made to feel that all I want is money.
When I can't send my son to daycare because I don't know if he will receive child support so I can pay for it, yeah, I am wondering where the money is. When I have my entire budget for the month set up around child support, yeah, I would like to know it is there when I need it. It is there for my son when we need it. There are years that I don't have his school pictures because I was counting on child support to pay for them and it was never received.
So PCDR, if I am spending these funds inappropriately by using them for daycare, school pictures and clothing for my son, please inform me and I will change my spending habits. That is the only excuse I could think of for you allowing him to remain non-compliant for these amounts of time without consequence and allowing him to take me back to court and have my child support lowered from $45 a week to $41 a week. This after he requested a tele-conference and did not answer the phone when you tried to reach him. I may be mistaken, but I thought that was the same as missing court. But it's okay because you were going to "try to get in touch with him later or tomorrow."
And then I was (yet again) made to feel like a money hungry whore when I reported that I was not working because I was staying at home with my infant son. Yes, voluntarily. I was made to feel like less of a person because I took a year off work for the first time since I was 15 years old to spend time with my child. A child that, because of a medical diagnosis, would cost an entire paycheck to pay for child care. And then we have my oldest son, who does not receive child support, that would also need child care. I would be earning less than I do as a homemaker if I were working.
With the exception of one time in 2009 (which was denied because my son's father needed a chance to get back on his feet and get caught up with payments), I have never asked for more money from my son's father. I have always had a job to support my son and when I quit working, I didn't expect his father to cover the loss of income. But I did expect him to follow a court order and support his son financially since he chooses not to be in my son's life to support him physically and emotionally. I guess it is just easier to shirk all responsibility and lay it on the shoulders of another man when no one holds you accountable for your actions.
So Perry County Domestic Relations, these are some of the ways that you have failed my son and me. I wish I still had the fire to get upset about it but like I mentioned above, I have come to expect it. He will pay until the notices to appear in court stop coming and then it's financial freedom again until the whole process repeats itself. Maybe we should just abolish Peco Domestic Relations and save the county and state some money since (and I'm sure I'm not the only one with the opinion) it doesn't seem like you do very much in the first place.
Sincerely,
Miss Aquarius
No comments:
Post a Comment