Just In Case

It's been a very difficult week with the loss of my Nana. My heart is still pretty squished with the feeling that I will never get to hear her voice again but I am coping. I am trying to remind myself that she would be pissed if she knew that I wasn't fully enjoying Christmas on her behalf. I think she is completely okay with me crying at her funeral, but I don't think she wants it to carry over into me sobbing as I try to wrap up the gifts that I bought for my kids.

Either way, this whole thing has gotten me thinking a lot about what I want and what I don't want when the Lord calls me home. Some may think this is morbid, but it's pretty inevitable. So here it is, my final wishes (and yes, MOST of them are serious). And someone please direct Big Daddy to this blog if I should happen to go before him (fat chance because I think I cause most of the stress that may eventually kill him) so he knows what the hell he is doing. Thanks.

1. NO SAPPY MUSIC AT MY FUNERAL. This is my biggest bitch with death. We know that everyone is upset so why amplify their grief with the sound selection? Take my iPod or Media Player or WHATEVER to the funeral home and put it on shuffle. I don't care if it goes from Jewel to Coe to Outkast. This was what I forced all of you to listen to while I was alive so death shall be no different.

2. PUT ME IN A CARDBOARD BOX AND BURN ME. It's simple. I will not have my family pay for any extra expenses than they have to (which hopefully I will work in a funeral home at this time so I might even get a discount). Don't even buy a freaking urn. I want to be cremated and taken to New Orleans one last time. Take me to a few bars for some beers and Zydeco music and for one last stroll through the French Market. Then scatter me in the Mississippi. I would rather be there than stuck sitting on one of my children's mantles for all of eternity. Let me make my last showing in my little cardboard box at my viewing and then GET RID OF ME! I'm claustrophobic anyway.

3. I WANT A KEG OF NATTY LIGHT AT MY MEMORIAL SERVICE. Seriously. I am sad right now because Nana died, but I know she doesn't want me to be, just like I don't want anyone to cry when I'm gone. Get a beer and tell funny stories about things that I did when I was younger, but make sure to turn those stories into lessons so the kids can learn from my mistakes. Believe me, I am a good teaching example about what NOT to do. Please, drink beer and remember me fondly at my service, but bring a designated driver.

4. BURN ME IN MY FAVORITE JEANS AND HOODIE WITH A PICTURE OF MY FAMILY (PETS INCLUDED). I think it's pretty self explanatory (unless for some reason my favorite jeans and hoodie have been ruined). Then whatever. I do love my jammies so they would work well. Also, please make sure that I am wearing my wedding band.

5. LET MY CHILDREN TAKE WHATEVER THEY WANT TO KEEP TO REMEMBER ME. This is probably my most seriously important concern. I have 3 kids and they are entitled to anything of mine that they want to keep. They can go through anything that I have and split it among themselves (but Evel gets the water balloon slingshot. I promised this to him the day that he understood how awesome it really is). Sell whatever is left and split it up. I don't have much and what I have isn't worth much but I hope they can find a few things keep for remembrance.

6. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY HUSBAND. I have finally met someone that I really feel like I can't live without. He felt like family even before we decided to have a baby or get married. This is the person that I am supposed to be with for my entire life. If I go before him, I am asking all of you to PLEASE take care of him. Stay in touch and make sure that he is okay. One of the reasons that I never wanted to get married is because I was afraid of loving someone that much and then leaving them behind someday if anything happened to me. This is where I'm calling in my troops to please comfort him if he is ever in this situation. I want him to cherish my memory, but not to be held back by losing me. Please hold his hand through this like he would have done for me.

7. PLEASE DO NOT KILL THE FAMILY PETS WHEN I DIE. Nana wanted to be buried with Sparky (the cat) and I am hoping that Aunt Sis was joking when she mentioned having to kill the cat to fulfill Nana's final wishes. My answer is NO. Do not kill any animals to appease my ramblings.

8. I WANT LOTS OF PICTURES. Tons and tons of pictures at the memorial service, which by the way, does not have to be in a funeral home. A bar or community center would work just as well but I would like it to be in the New Buffalo/Duncannon/Marysville area because it is the area where I grew up. I just want pictures everywhere. That is how I cataloged my life and I think it would be a pretty good way to remember me. If you can't find them on the computer, they're all on Facebook

Just so everyone knows, I am not planning on dying anytime soon. I plan on outliving everyone that is reading this blog. But when the big day does come, I just want something that is "me." I've been to a few memorials where it seemed like it really did memorialize the person and capture their essence, but others seemed a bit off from the person that we were memorializing. I'm just spitballing some ideas because I've dealt with more death than I care to this year. It is going to happen and for me to ignore that fact would make me delusional.

But for now, I will enjoy every second of life that I have on this planet. Hopefully, I will not be going anywhere any time soon and you will all have to put up with these crazy ass blogs for many, many years. Thank you all for tolerating my ramblings and for being my friends. I appreciate all of you more than I could ever tell you.