Evel's Dad Has Crawled Out From Under His Rock Again

Well I called it. I got a letter from Perry County Domestic Relations that Evel's dad filed requesting termination or decrease in Evel's support order. *yawn* It's almost not even worth bitching about anymore (I said almost).

This dipshit is still over $2000 in arrears because he didn't pay his support for over a year and I'm sure he knows that he won't be getting an income tax return again this year so he figured he'd give it another shot before tax time. Maybe he thinks I'll have a change of heart and relieve him of his financial duties. Maybe he doesn't know who he's dealing with.

If you're not even going to see your son, you're sure as hell going to remember that he exists somehow. I'm sure Evel thinks about not having his real dad in his life everyday so kiss my big, white ass. The only way I will ever terminate the order is if Evel himself decides that he wants Big Daddy to legally adopt him. Until then, you're SOL. This is the bed that you've made for yourself. Get comfy because you're going to be in it for another seven years.

I just don't see how someone can walk away from their child like that. I'm all about having a life separate from my kids so I don't go insane, but I could not imagine not seeing them for 8 years. I (usually) miss the little tikers after a nice, relaxing, yet invigorating, weekend. With Tink's custody arrangement, she's gone for a week at a time if it's not our weekend and that about kills Big Daddy. I'm just thankful that he's here to support Evel (emotionally and financially) while Evel's father is off being a waste of life. Any guy can make a baby but it takes a man to raise a child, especially someone elses.

Nutt's Big Debut on MSAD

I'm a little late with this one, but Monday, January 24, 2011 was the first ever Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day. On Tuesday, the local paper ran an article about Nutt and how Moebius Syndrome has affected him and our family. I was really happy with how it turned out. The writer represented everything and everyone accurately (except she said that I got emotional. I do not have emotions. I am a rock).

So now you know Nutt's and our real names. Woo! But this is something that I want to educate EVERYONE about and if I must reveal our secret identities, then so be it. If this blog gets even one more person to check out even one of the Moebius websites, then that's one more person that knows the challenges that people with Moebius Syndrome face every single day.

There was also an article about him in the Winter edition of Capabilities e-zine:
 Capabilities/Central Penn Parent Article on Moebius Syndrome and Nutt

And I must say that I am extremely happy with the amount of people that showed their support for the Moebius Syndrome community on the first EVER Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day (1/24/11), whether it was by wearing purple, handing out fliers or even something as simple as adding a MS twibbon to your facebook profile picture. Thank you all so much!

Here are a few articles that also celebrated MSAD:
Doctors Closer to Helping Flintshire Boy Who Can't Smile
Chloe's Story (She's SUCH a cutie pie!)
Attack of the Redneck Mommy: Beautiful Babies, Ugly Adults (funny, but a tear jerker in the same)
Cassie's Story
Kerri-Anne: MSN-AU Video about Jack's Smile That He Wears on the Inside
Kelsey's Story (with video)

I'm sure there are more that I missed.
Here are the photo galleries from MSAD:
MSAD Gallery 1
MSAD Gallery 2
MSAD Gallery 3
MSAD Gallery 4

So as you can see, it was a pretty festive day. We didn't really do much as far as going out, but I think my campaign to drive my friends and family nuts on Facebook worked out fairly well to spread awareness. I'm also glad I remembered to make the twibbon that I wanted to make weeks ago. Hard to believe that I would procrastinate on something...

For more information on Moebius Syndrome or to connect with our community, please follow the links below:
The Moebius Syndrome Foundation
The Many Faces of Moebius Syndrome
The Moebius Research Trust
Moebius Friends Facebook Group
January 24th For Moebius Syndrome Cause Page on Facebook
Still I Can't Be Silent (A blog by Natalie Abott, who has Moebius Syndrome
Moebius Musings (A blog by Kevin Smant, diagnosed with Moebius Syndrome)
Moebius Syndrome and the Medical Maze (A blog by Emily Calhoon, mother to a child with Moebius)

Taco Shanks

If you've have ever watched Lockdown or had a family member (or five or six) in jail, you know what a shank is. For the rest of you (all of which do not live in my neck of the woods), a shank is a crude tool that is made by prisoners for the express purpose of stabbing or slashing another inmate. This term resulted in my favorite expression to yell at ass clown drivers -- "I will shank you in the neck." Basically, the inmates file down any object that can be made into a point and wrap something around the handle of the object for better grip and so they don't hurt their little hands when that use it to skewer their cellmate like a pig.  They use things like plastic toothbrushes, screws out of their beds and pieces of metal from their toilets.

But a taco shell? Really? Evel swears that this is the reason that they are only given soft shell tacos in his middle school (I highly doubt it, but it makes a good subject for a blog).

I guess it could make sense. I've pulled some ancient hard taco shells out of my cupboard and impaled the roof of my mouth on the first bite at dinner, but I could only imagine the school safety team meeting to discuss the possible dangers:

"Let's bring this meeting to order. First on the agenda, the recent outbreak of stabbings in the lunchroom. Seems kids are breaking their taco shells into pieces and filing them down on their rock hard dinner rolls to exact revenge on the rival tether ball team. Just last week, star player Billy Marshall had to leave the team due to a taco shell inflicted stab wound on his punching hand. All in favor of banning hard taco shells?"

Now I can see getting rid of metal forks (which my son's school still has) or the hard melamine plastic lunch trays (I saw a girl use one in a fight my sophomore year in high school. It looked like it did some damage), but food related violence? The only food related violence is what is inflicted upon the poor children that have to eat that slop. What is next, banning pizza wedges because they have a point or doing away with fruit cocktail because...well, I'll let you use you figure that one out (*snicker, snicker*)?

So after a good ten minutes of pressing Evel for the deets on what color school issued prison jumpsuits I'll have to order for him and Tinkerbell next year, he finally broke and told us that a kid was eating a taco and got stabbed IN THE ROOF OF HIS MOUTH (I totally called it back in paragraph three). Ahhhh, I see said the blind man. All of the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. I think I have a little story teller on my hands. Where he gets that from, I'll honestly never know...

He Didn't Even Need A Triple Dog Dare

No, he didn't talk back and get what was coming to him.

My little genius decided he was going to see (after numerous warnings from his mom and dad) what happened when he stuck his tongue to a frozen metal pole.

* Please see Exhibit A at the top of the note*

We were at my youngest sister's 13th birthday, having a good time. I was trying to fix a bottle for my youngest son when a mob of teenage girls came rushing inside and began shrieking at levels only heard by cats and dogs that Evel had stuck his tongue to a frozen pole. Then in came my son. Bleeding.

My first reaction? "Evel...Seriously?" (insert eye roll and deep sigh) "Someone get my camera."

Not that I wasn't concerned about the fountain of blood running out of his mouth (and onto the floor of the RENTED party hall that we were in), but after 11 years I've (sadly) come to expect things like this from my son. I'm sure if you have a boy around this age or that has ever been this age, you know what I am talking about. You just reach a point where all you can do is throw up your hands and pray that they make it to adulthood with only minor dents and dings. Plus, stupidity seems to be entwined with the male DNA on my side of the family so he was destined to seek out the activities that can cause maximum damage in minimum time.

When asked why he thought it would be a good idea to try this despite the various warnings from adults (Pappy tried it when he was little and I used to stick my tongue my Nana's metal ice cube trays for a MOMENTARY thrill) and movies (the kid has seen A Christmas Story. We've explained that it's real and that it HURTS), he just shrugged. It told me everything that I needed to know. He knew exactly what he was doing when he decided to pull his little stunt. This kid is being sold as soon as they let us start listing them on eBay.

I'm sure it was all for attention, which he got by almost every adult at the party when they shook their head and called him various synonyms for "village idiot." And I really saw no point in punishing him since the crime was punishment enough in itself. He still can't eat salty or spicy foods because his lips are raw and soda is out of the question. I doubt it, but I hope he learned that the moral of the story is "Listen to adults! They know what they're talking about!" before he decides that he has to see what happens when he pees on an electric fence.

NEW! FROM MATTEL: Central PA Barbies

I "borrowed" this from 93.5 WTPA and updated it to fit my needs. Enjoy!

ANNOUNCEMENT: Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for Central PA and surrounding areas market:

"Lebanon Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"HACC Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Midtown Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"Hershey Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of Rolls Royce convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

"Colonial Park Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

 "3rd St. Barbie"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

 "Harrisburg Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Pinehurst Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.

"2nd Street Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

"Camp Hill Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Macy's. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade, Prada and LV Handbags, Rolex watch a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a 25,000 sq ft. patio home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Perry County Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Halifax (and other Upper Dauphin County areas) Barbie"This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Perry County Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

The Seven Layer Relationship Burrito

So a friend wrote a blog that I read earlier and it got the wheels in my head turning. It mentioned him having layers and in my warped little mind, the first thing I thought of was a magically delicious 7-layer burrito from Taco Bell (mmm, I'm drooling). So then I started breaking down the layers of a relationship and I guess this is what I came up with. Please remember that my thought process is a bit off sometimes so I hope you enjoy (big kudos to Stephie and the mama for inspiration. Stephie hung in there and helped with every layer):

Layer 1: The Warm, Soft, Flour Tortilla

I look at this layer as the outside of a person. The physical looks and gestures that everyone sees every day. You can change the look of it by throwing some flavor in it (think the new red tomato wrap or the green basil and garlic wraps) but in reality it's still just a wrap. People think that by jazzing it up, it's going to change it's purpose but in reality it's what's inside the wrap that really counts, unless you're burping up some funky garlic flavor.

Layer 2: Shredded Lettuce

I'm looking at this layer to be the filler of a person, the extra little bit they throw into the burrito to make it look pretty but really doesn't do anything for you. The things you get from people on the initial meeting like the small talk and courteous hellos. If it's all just lettuce, it will fill you up for a little bit but in the long run you're going to be hungry and look elsewhere to find something to really stick to your ribs and satisfy your cravings.

Layer 3: The Diced Tomatoes

This is an iffy item for some people on a burrito (myself personally, i don't like 'em but this is about relationships, not food). Some people get them and some opt out. I look at this as one of the turning points in a relationship, where you decide if you like it or not. It's the point where you decide if you're going to enjoy the taste or be completely repulsed by it. If you don't like the way they squish and pop in your mouth (no pun intended), you avoid it at all costs or do whatever it takes to pick them off of your burrito. If you find that kind of thing delicious, you'll continue munching.

Layer 4: The Sour Cream

Sour cream is the first thing that will go bad on a burrito. In a relationship, I look at it as when you taste it, it will either be creamy and delicious or it will bite back. It's the little annoying things that you start to notice about the other person. The fact that he never puts the toilet seat down or that she lets her makeup scattered across the bathroom counter when she is done. If you taste it and enjoy it, you'll continue grubbing. If you taste it and it's rancid, you'll toss that burrito in the garbage and head for a Big Mac (no tomatoes there). And some people don't get it at all but the one's that do enjoy every bite.

Layer 5: The Three Cheese Blend: Cheddar, Pepper Jack and Mozzarella

This is also one of the kickers. It's a pre-mixed cheese blend so it's all or nothing. The picky people opt to avoid this part of a burrito. They want their cheddar and mozzarella but can't tolerate the pepper jack (you know, a little spice in their life). So at this point, the burrito is out of their sights. But others will accept it for what it is and enjoy the way the the cheeses blend perfectly together and add to the burrito. They will enjoy the flavor of each but appreciate the fact that they can't have one without the other.

Layer 6: The Chunky Guacamole

This is the fattening, green sauce that you come to next. It's the gluttonous part of the relationship where you really start to dig in. Even if you don't like it, sometimes you just have to get it to see if maybe you're tastes have changed. Sometimes it's rich and creamy or other times it can be hot and spicy and so sinful that you just have to know what the rave is all about. Sometimes you enjoy it and other times you wish you would've passed. It's a little harder to pick off at this point but if you're really determined you can manage.

Layer 7: The Seasoned Rice

This is the point where you really decide if you want to finish the burrito or not. You're kind of getting full and you need to decide if you want to eat the entire thing. By this point you've already learned the texture and taste of the rice and depending on how much more you feel like eating, you will continue or not. It all depends on how it settles in your stomach.

Layer 8: The Hearty Beans (ok, mine has 8 layers cuz i counted the wrap)

The Realization, Denial and Acceptance (via Facebook)

So with MSAD coming up in January, I decided to go back and look at my old status updates on Facebook. I started with the day that Nutt was born. It was bizarre to say the least. If you follow them, you can see the different emotions that I went through from the initial shock of Nutt's facial paralysis to holding out hope that it would go away to finally accepting that he was going to have to live with this permanently. That's when the resolve (and obsession) with educating myself and everyone around me came in. Even though they drive me to drink sometimes (okay, a lot of times), my kids are my life and I will do everything in my power to give them the best possible life that I can. So here's a testament to that. My life since Nutt was born, via Facebook: