Tuesday, January 25, 2011

He Didn't Even Need A Triple Dog Dare

No, he didn't talk back and get what was coming to him.

My little genius decided he was going to see (after numerous warnings from his mom and dad) what happened when he stuck his tongue to a frozen metal pole.

* Please see Exhibit A at the top of the note*

We were at my youngest sister's 13th birthday, having a good time. I was trying to fix a bottle for my youngest son when a mob of teenage girls came rushing inside and began shrieking at levels only heard by cats and dogs that Evel had stuck his tongue to a frozen pole. Then in came my son. Bleeding.

My first reaction? "Evel...Seriously?" (insert eye roll and deep sigh) "Someone get my camera."

Not that I wasn't concerned about the fountain of blood running out of his mouth (and onto the floor of the RENTED party hall that we were in), but after 11 years I've (sadly) come to expect things like this from my son. I'm sure if you have a boy around this age or that has ever been this age, you know what I am talking about. You just reach a point where all you can do is throw up your hands and pray that they make it to adulthood with only minor dents and dings. Plus, stupidity seems to be entwined with the male DNA on my side of the family so he was destined to seek out the activities that can cause maximum damage in minimum time.

When asked why he thought it would be a good idea to try this despite the various warnings from adults (Pappy tried it when he was little and I used to stick my tongue my Nana's metal ice cube trays for a MOMENTARY thrill) and movies (the kid has seen A Christmas Story. We've explained that it's real and that it HURTS), he just shrugged. It told me everything that I needed to know. He knew exactly what he was doing when he decided to pull his little stunt. This kid is being sold as soon as they let us start listing them on eBay.

I'm sure it was all for attention, which he got by almost every adult at the party when they shook their head and called him various synonyms for "village idiot." And I really saw no point in punishing him since the crime was punishment enough in itself. He still can't eat salty or spicy foods because his lips are raw and soda is out of the question. I doubt it, but I hope he learned that the moral of the story is "Listen to adults! They know what they're talking about!" before he decides that he has to see what happens when he pees on an electric fence.

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