The other day I drove to the fire house to vote. Yay me for doing my civic duty as an American but for once I'm not bitching about the government. Back to my misfortune...
So I get back to my house and seeing how it's a glorious day with no chance of rain in sight, I decided to leave my window halfway down to air out the horrid smoke stench that has worked it's way into the upholstery of my car over years that I used to smoke. I came in and did some stuff around the house and since I wasn't planning on going out, I forgot to put my windows up. No problem. I go out to my car to take care of it and to my surprise, a birdie left me a little present.
Actually, I should say that this was no little present. This was a gigantic splattered wad of purple and white bird shit that shot out of a birds ass like a screaming, heat-seeking missile and connected with my car. The best (or worst) part was that when it hit, half of it made it inside of my car through the open window. So I not only have a huge smear running down the outside of my car, I have bird turd running down the inside of my window and door and all over my seat. This explosion even managed to hit my center console and heat controls. And it's fucking purple. My car is disgusting enough and this just added to the problem. I am just wondering how the window managed to hold up against the high caliber assault that it took.
Actually, I should say that this was no little present. This was a gigantic splattered wad of purple and white bird shit that shot out of a birds ass like a screaming, heat-seeking missile and connected with my car. The best (or worst) part was that when it hit, half of it made it inside of my car through the open window. So I not only have a huge smear running down the outside of my car, I have bird turd running down the inside of my window and door and all over my seat. This explosion even managed to hit my center console and heat controls. And it's fucking purple. My car is disgusting enough and this just added to the problem. I am just wondering how the window managed to hold up against the high caliber assault that it took.
Judging from the amount, I do believe there was an ostrich or resurrected pterodactyl sitting in the tree above my parking space when the offense was committed. If it wasn't for the fact that I fear that I would be carried away but the monstrous phoenix that is responsible for this disgusting display of feces, I swear to god I would be loading my paintball gun and picking off any happily chirping bird that was unfortunate enough to get within 20 feet of my car.
If I ever come across the nest of the creature that did this, I fully intend on a long night of Corona's and Mexican food before I return the favor. I swear if I find it, I'm going to turn it's little baby eggs into omelets for Mr. Ears to prevent anyone else from suffering the same fate. Revenge will be mine.
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